


long slow distance

by iccampfire



Category: Red Velvet (K-pop Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, F/F, Mentioned BLACKPINK, Mentioned LOONA Ensemble, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:21:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 30,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26542855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iccampfire/pseuds/iccampfire
Summary: Joohyun is tired, hungry, and she just wants to go home. Seulgi is tired, hungry, and wants to help the grumpy girl under the awning get home. And that’s how it begins.A SeulRene story inspired by NCT127’s neozone.
Relationships: Bae Joohyun | Irene/Kang Seulgi
Comments: 20
Kudos: 152





	1. side a

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!! When I first heard NCT 127’s neozone, I fell in love with Love Song and Love Me Now right away, and then I found out that Love Me Now was actually pretty sad??? Then I listened to the whole album again and then eventually Punch came out and it had the perfect track to end this SeulRene story. 
> 
> Do you need to listen to the songs while reading? No, not really. They won’t really add much while you’re reading especially BUT I do recommend listening to the songs after.
> 
> Title from the song ‘long slow distance’ NCT127’s ‘awaken’ album.

**TRACK I. Love Song**

_I really hate the rain, but today I came to like it a bit_

_No, don’t stop just yet_

_The rain can soak my left shoulder a little bit more_

_The love song inside the rain_

Joohyun hates the rain. She hates the discomfort that it brings every time it comes pouring down. She hates how the streets get slippery causing her to move slower, how the sheets of rain obscure her vision, how her clothes get wet and heavy, leaving her with a chill for the rest of the night, and honestly, nothing is worse than when her socks get drenched and she’s forced to walk home with the weird squelching feeling on her toes. 

So yeah, she really hates the rain. 

But, what she hates, even more, is when it comes out of nowhere, catching her off guard on a late summer night and leaving her stranded by the convenience store a couple of blocks from her apartment. It was clear no one expected it too, because, by the time she gets to the cashier, all of their umbrellas are sold out. 

Joohyun huffs and glares at the rain from her position under the store’s awning as if willing it to stop. What was supposed to be a quick run to get ramyun and coke has now extended to a half-hour trip, with more than half of the time spent watching the rain fall. 

A sudden breeze catches Joohyun further off-guard, as she rubs her arms and represses the whine that she knows is slowly bubbling up. She’s tired. Exhausted, even. She was hungry, (hence the trip for ramyun) but at this point, all she cares about is being warm under her favorite blanket. 

She moves closer to the edge of the awning, stretching her hand towards the rain.

_Okay, so it’s definitely not as strong as a while ago._

She takes a peek at the road that leads to her apartment, checking how many roofs she’ll be able to hide under and calculating how drenched she’d end up if she just decided to walk really fast. 

“I hope you’re not gonna do what I think you’re going to do.” Joohyun jumps at the voice and she’s met with a girl in all black sweats, a black cap on her head, a plastic bag full of… _are those all just Pringles?_ and a bright yellow compact umbrella hanging from her wrist. “Don’t walk in the rain, you’re going to get sick.”

Joohyun gives a wry smile, “Technically, I was going to run. And I really really really just want to go home.” 

“I can see that.” the girl smiles, and Joohyun thinks it’s cute, but Joohyun is tired and she doesn’t trust her tired thoughts. “Come on, I’ll walk you.”

“I- I don’t even know you.” 

“I’m Seulgi,” she answers, stepping up beside Joohyun to offer her hand. 

“Joohyun.” 

“See. There. No longer strangers.” 

Joohyun squints her eyes in an effort to be intimidating but all Seulgi does is laugh. (Joohyun’s tired brain thinks it sounds really nice.) “Listen, I’m headed that way too. So, you can either share my umbrella with me and get home, wait this rain out and die of boredom, or make a run for it and potentially get sick afterwards.” 

Before Joohyun can even answer, however, Seulgi has already expanded the umbrella and lifts it over the both of them. 

“We’re not going to fit,” Joohyun says, eyeing how the umbrella was quite literally meant for one person.

“We’ll need to squeeze but it’ll work. Plus, you’re so tiny I’m sure you can fit in my pocket.” 

Joohyun huffs, “Never mind, I’ve decided to risk it and walk.”

“Height’s a touchy subject then?” 

Joohyun huffs again in response. 

“Now, come on, please? I don’t want you to be stranded here and I don’t want you getting sick either.” Seulgi says, a cute (Joohyun is sure it’s the exhaustion talking) pout on her face. 

Joohyun steps under the umbrella and finds that, of course, she’s right, they barely fit under the umbrella and if they walk shoulder to shoulder, they’d both end up wet, leaving the umbrella pretty useless. So, Joohyun does the only logical thing and loops her arm around Seulgi’s, pulling the taller girl closer. 

Seulgi freezes at the contact and Joohyun is quick to explain, “I’m just doing this so we won’t get that wet! I told you we won’t fit! But I can stop if-“ 

“N-no, it’s okay! I’m just not used to it, that’s all.” 

Joohyun nods, “Here, give me your snacks. I’ll hold them both.” 

“You don’t have to-“ 

“Your Pringles will get wet if I don’t!” Jooyhun tries to repress a smile at how quickly Seulgi hands it over after that. 

“Shall we?” Seulgi asks and together, they step out into the rain. 

They don’t say anything at first, the sound of the rain strong against their little umbrella. But Joohyun finds that she doesn’t really mind. It’s comfortable, even if Seulgi is a complete stranger. It also helps that Seulgi is warm and smells a bit like citrus so being close to her isn’t so bad. 

“So, why are you out so late? It’s almost midnight.”

“I just came home from work, realized I had no leftovers and I didn’t have any energy to make myself dinner. You?” 

“Same.” Seulgi replies. 

Joohyun looks up at the girl beside her and scrunches her nose in disapproval, “Pringles isn’t dinner.” 

“But they’re my favorite.” 

“Still not dinner.” 

“Like ramyun is any better.” 

“It obviously **is** better!” Joohyun says, slapping Seulgi’s arm.

“Ow! What was that for?” 

“You’re being stubborn.” 

“And you’re surprisingly strong for someone so small.” 

Joohyun stops walking and glares. “You’re lucky you’re holding the umbrella and I can’t push you out in the rain.” 

“You’re lucky you’re cute.” Seulgi grumbles under her breath.

“Hm? What did you say?”

“I said, you’re lucky I haven’t pushed you out in the rain too.” 

“You wouldn’t.” 

“How sure are you?” 

“I can already tell you’re too nice.” Joohyun replies simply and the way Seulgi avoids her eyes after that simply proves it further.

“Yeah, yeah. Come on, keep walking.” 

“Wait!” Joohyun reaches up and pats Seulgi’s other shoulder. “Yah! Your shoulders are too broad! You didn’t tell me you were still getting wet!” 

“It’s okay! Don’t worry about me!” 

Joohyun tugs Seulgi closer and ignores the taller girl’s protests. “Is that better?” 

“Uh… yes.”

“Okay, good. Don’t worry, my apartment is up the next block, right by the stoplight.” 

Seulgi nods and starts humming something under her breath the rest of the way, a quiet tune that leaves Joohyun curious. She tries to steal glances at the girl she just met and muses why she isn’t feeling nervous at all. She wonders if it’s really just her tired and desperate brain so ready to go home and therefore clinging to any semblance of safety and comfort. Or maybe (and more likely) it’s just how Seulgi really is, her aura radiating nothing but warmth on this cold rainy night. 

“Is this it?” Seulgi asks. 

“Oh. Yeah. Here we are.” Joohyun says, stepping out from under the umbrella and under the shade of her apartment building. 

Joohyun watches as Seulgi shifts under her umbrella as if she too is trying to delay her departure. Try as she might, Joohyun can’t shake the feeling that this cannot be it. This cannot be how they say goodbye and she’ll never see Seulgi again. 

“Do you want to come up for a bit? I can lend you a shirt and we can have dinner? Or I can make you some hot cocoa if you want. As a thank you! For walking me home.” 

Seulgi’s smile is so big and bright and it’s such a contrast against the dreary backdrop of the rain that Joohyun wishes she could capture that moment and save it in her brain forever. “I’d love that.”

* * *

**Track II. Day Dream**

_Loving you feels like I’m dreaming_

_It’s just like a dream_

_I don’t want to wake up_

As soon as Seulgi steps into her apartment, whatever tiredness Joohyun was feeling simply washes away. She quickly lends Seulgi a shirt to wear and directs her to the bathroom allowing her to fix up their dinner. It was simple, of course, just ramyun and some kimchi (thank god her mom always brought a ton when she came to visit). 

Seulgi appears from the hallway just as soon as Joohyun finishes setting the table. (Joohyun tries not to dwell on how Seulgi looks right at home.) 

“You really didn’t have to.” 

“I’m not letting you have Pringles for dinner.”

“I still don’t think this is very healthy.”

“The kimchi will make up for it,” Joohyun smiles and pats the seat next to her. “Now, let’s eat before the ramyun gets cold.” 

It seems strange how comfortable Joohyun is with Seulgi. They literally met less than an hour ago but Seulgi has Joohyun smiling from ear to ear. There’s something about her that Joohyun can’t figure out, something that makes Joohyun forget about every little worry she has. 

They talk for a lot longer than expected, about their work, where they’re from and everything in between. Joohyun jumps up from her chair when she finally remembers to check the time and apologizes profusely when she realizes it’s already 2 in the morning. But Seulgi just laughs, telling Joohyun not to worry and as they stand by the apartment lobby, (the older girl insisting to call Seulgi a cab because a couple of blocks can be dangerous at this time of the night) Joohyun continues to apologize. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to keep you for so long!” 

Seulgi just shakes her head and smiles, “Stop, I promise it’s alright. I had a great time.” 

A comfortable silence falls between them once again, the pair looking out into the empty and damp Seoul street. 

“Can I have your number?” Seulgi quickly follows it up with a “So I can return your shirt!”, but the redness on her ears is hard to deny. Joohyun smiles and inputs her number, and Seulgi looks like a kid that got exactly what she wanted for her birthday. 

When the taxi arrives soon after, they stand awkwardly, unsure of how to say goodbye to someone you just met but feel like you’ve known forever. So, Joohyun simply allows her now extremely tired brain to lead the way. She wraps Seulgi in a hug and when they pull away simply says, “Thanks for walking me home.” 

Seulgi nods in response, and then jumps as the taxi driver blows the car horn to signal his impatience. “Okay, I’ve got to go! See you!” 

Joohyun waves as the taxi speeds away and is surprised to find a flood of messages waiting as soon as she returns to the apartment: 

**Thanks for letting me walk you home.**

**Oh, this is Seulgi, by the way.**

**Not like it could be anyone else cause I was the only one who walked you home.**

**Omo, unless a ghost was with us??**

**How creepy would that be if there was actually a ghost walking beside us and is texting you now??**

**Okay, sorry, my friends say I get weird when I’m sleepy.**

**Guess they’re right, huh?**

**Okay, I’m going to stop now**

**Good night, unnie! I had a great time tonight!**

The rest of it happens so quickly that Joohyun knows that some part of her should feel afraid. But she’s not. Not at all. In fact, Joohyun has never felt more calm.

When Seulgi texts that weekend to meet up so she can return Joohyun’s shirt, Joohyun doesn’t expect anything. But Seulgi greets her with a hug and mischievous look in her eyes, “I’ve decided to hold your shirt hostage.” 

“It’s okay, it was an old one anyway.” The pout on Seulgi’s face is enough for Joohyun to give in and play along. “I mean, oh no, what do I do now?” 

“As ransom, how about coffee?”

“I don’t drink coffee.” 

“Uh… tea?” 

“Eh. I had tea this morning.” Joohyun smirks. 

A pout forms on Seulgi’s face once again but is quickly replaced by her signature stunning smile. “Then what about dinner?” 

“Isn’t it a bit too early?” 

“Joohyun unnieeeee,” Seulgi whines. 

Joohyun laughs and wraps her arm around Seulgi’s just like the night they met. “I’m teasing. It’s still pretty early but that means we have more time to walk around together.” 

It starts with a small dinner out, then leads to late night dinners in Joohyun’s apartment (because they’re both still so busy). It starts with random texts throughout the day and leads to hours of phone calls until someone (usually Seulgi) falls asleep on the other line. 

Joohyun thinks Seulgi is kind and sweet, and no, her brain wasn’t just tired the night they met - Seulgi is a very beautiful girl, with a smile that would put the sun to shame, with cheeks she wants to squish and a nose she likes to poke. (And a butt she likes to touch but that’s something Joohyun doesn’t say out loud.) Seulgi makes her laugh, and Seulgi is a great listener too, listening to Joohyun’s various frustrations. 

_“I miss my family, yes, but I’m only a junior in our company. I can’t just take a vacation whenever I feel like it, you know?”_

_“But you should still take care of yourself.”_

_“I will, and I do. I spend time with you, don’t I? That’s a great stress relief.” Joohyun winks and tries not to laugh at the redness that quickly makes its way up Seulgi’s face._

_Seulgi coughs awkwardly, “Is this really what you want to do?”_

_“Is this career counseling?”_

_“I’m just curious.”_

_“To work for a production company, no. I want to put my own up, soon. I just need to find the right clients willing to take on a newbie videographer. That’s why I still take so many projects on the side… It’s tiring and all but maybe one of them will be the right one and will give me just the boost I need to leave my shitty company and start things on my own.”_

_“See! Look at how busy you are! You never have enough time to rest.”_

_“Look who’s talking,” Joohyun snorts, “You’re pretty busy too.”_

_Seulgi sighs, “I guess this is the price we pay for following our dreams.”_

It’s strange, Joohyun thinks, how talking to Seulgi and being around her feels like the most natural thing in the world. A part of it doesn’t feel real. Seulgi shouldn’t be real. She’s too kind, too talented, too perfect for someone like Joohyun. So when a couple of weeks later, she feels soft lips against her own, Joohyun has to pinch herself to make sure she’s not dreaming.

“When will this end,” Jennie groans, as she slams her head onto the desk. It’s another late night in the editing room and while the head producer and director have decided to call it a day, the duo continues to work, making sure the offline version is ready for its review by 8AM.

“If things go smoothly, hopefully in another hour or so,” Joohyun answers, her eyes glued to the monitor as she stitches the video clips together. “And stop complaining or you’ll jinx it.”

“Okay, okay,” Jennie says, now spinning in her chair. They work in relative silence after that, Jennie giving suggestions and reminding Joohyun of their client’s comments. “Joohyun, your phone’s ringing.”

“It’s fine, ignore it, it can wait.” 

“It’s ringing again.” 

“I’m almost done.” 

“But-” Jennie is cut-off by the office buzzer. “Did you order food?” 

“My eyes have literally not moved from the computer, Jen.” 

“So who is it?” 

“I dunno. Go check.” 

_BUZZ!!_

“What if it’s a serial killer??” 

“Well, it seems like it’s a very polite serial killer and at least we’ll have an excuse if we don’t finish in time. But really, it might just be the building security guard checking if we’re still here.” 

“Joohyun, come with me to check please!” 

_BUZZ!!_

“Jennie, I will throw my mouse at you.” 

“Ugh, you’re so cranky.” Jennie sighs dramatically.

Joohyun can make out the sound of Jennie talking to someone but quickly zones it out to focus on her work.

“Joohyun, Joohyun, Joohyuuuun~” Jennie singsongs as she returns. 

Joohyun groans, “Sad. I guess it wasn’t a serial killer.” 

“Uhm. I’m sorry I’m not a serial killer?” another voice says and Joohyun finally whips around to see Seulgi, in a hoodie and sweatpants, looking all kinds of adorable. 

“SEULGI!” Joohyun jumps up from her chair and tackles her now girlfriend into a hug. “What are you doing here??” 

“Well, you weren’t replying or answering my calls, and I remember you saying you had a big meeting tomorrow, so I figured you were still working. And I was done for the day so I got you some coffee and snacks.” Seulgi says, kissing the top of Joohyun’s head. 

“Thank you, you’re the best.” 

“Thank god you’re here. That’s literally the first time she’s smiled all night.” 

“I see you’ve already met Jennie. Hey, those were for me!” Joohyun swats Jennie’s hand as she reaches for a cookie. 

“HEY! And no it wasn’t! Seulgi got coffee and snacks for me too, right Seulgi? Nice to officially meet you, by the way. Other than work, you’re all Joohyun talks about.” 

Joohyun can feel her cheeks heat up as Seulgi hugs her from behind, resting her chin on Joohyun’s shoulder. “Oh, really?” 

“It’s always, Seulgi did this, Seulgi did that, Jennie, she’s so pretty, she’s so cute! Barf.” 

“Jennie, shut up.” 

“No, please continue, Jennie, tell me mo-OOF” Seulgi groans, as Joohyun’s elbow connects to her stomach.

It doesn’t stop their teasing. 

Jennie is absolutely amused at the fact that Joohyun has someone, and though Joohyun has mentioned Seulgi many many times before, it’s different for Jennie to actually meet her. Jennie also enjoys pointing out every time Joohyun blushes or smiles bigger than usual. Seulgi, from what Joohyun can tell, is just as excited to meet Jennie. She asks about their childhood together and laughs so hard she starts crying when Jennie tells Seulgi about the time Joohyun slipped on a banana peel outside their company building.

Seulgi stays the entire time, her back facing the computer monitors since Joohyun insists it’s confidential and she can’t see what they’re working on. (Jennie just rolls her eyes and says, “I guarantee you Seulgi does not care about some medicine commercial. And what will she do? Run to the nearest competitor and go, GUESS WHAT, THEIR CAPSULE IS BLUE NOW!”) Sometime during their overtime, Jennie leaves the room and Seulgi leans back on the extra chair with her eyes closed. 

“You can go home, you know. Get some rest. We’ll be fine. You have a long day ahead tomorrow too.”

“It’s okay, I wanted to see you.”

“Thank you again for dropping by. And for the coffee.” Joohyun says as she gives Seulgi a quick peck.

Seulgi’s eyes fly open at the contact and the blush that quickly creeps up to the tip of her ears is too adorable that Joohyun can’t help but kiss her again and again and again.

“I love you, you know?” 

Seulgi smiles, and this time, she’s the one that leans in to give Joohyun a soft kiss. “I know. I love you too.”

* * *

**Track III. Dreams Come True**

_Listen closely to the voice you hear inside you_

_All your dreams come true_

Joohyun is pulled from her daydream and it hurts, it hurts so much but Joohyun finds that she doesn’t mind. If her daydream has to end so that Seulgi’s dreams can come true, then so be it.

The fateful night they meet, Seulgi confesses three things to Irene. 

**One**. She actually lives in the other direction. Two blocks away from the convenience store. A total of 6 blocks away from Joohyun’s apartment. But she saw how sad and well, desperate the older girl looked and couldn’t help but offer to walk her home. 

_“Admit it, you offered because you found me cute,” Joohyun says, poking Seulgi on the side._

_“Yah, you’re so full of yourself,” Seulgi replies looking at anything other than Joohyun._

**Two.** Her lifelong dream is to be a singer. For as long as she could remember, all Seulgi wanted was to be on stage performing.

_“I want to hear you sing.”_

_“Soon.”_

_“You promise?”_

_“I promise.”_

**Three.** She’s actually celebrating. She was going to get her favorite Pringles and wrap herself up in a blanket and watch her favorite movie. It was simple, but that’s all she really had planned to celebrate that night.

_“Really? Pringles?”_

_“It’s a tried and tested method to make me even happier!”_

_“You’re such a dork.”_

_“But you know what?”_

_“What?”_

_“I think hanging out with you is my new method to make me happy.”_

_Joohyun says nothing and simply slaps Seulgi on the arm once._

But the reason she was celebrating? 

Seulgi swears Joohyun to secrecy, interlocking pinkies and all. She admits she hasn’t told anyone yet, not even her family so Joohyun better stick around because she’s going to know one of Seulgi’s deepest secrets. Seulgi’s voice drops to a whisper, but her smile is still so bright and her eyes are visibly shining as she says, “I’m going to debut this year.” 

Joohyun’s eyes grow wide in amazement and from that moment on, Joohyun extends her pinky once more and promises to support her. To be there during their debut showcase. To support from the sidelines when needed. To listen to every song. To watch every MV. Sure, at this point in time, they’ve only just met but Joohyun can already tell that Seulgi is going to end up being someone special in her life. 

So when they fall in love in what feels like an instant, Joohyun’s promise remains the same, if not stronger. 

Between her crazy work hours and Seulgi’s preparations, Joohyun supports them as much as she can. They sneak out as often as possible, having dates in the middle of the night, walking along the quiet streets of Seoul. Joohyun introduces Seulgi to Mrs. Choi, her favorite ahjumma that sells the tteokbokki that reminds her of home. Joohyun makes Seulgi sing for Mrs. Choi, and the delighted woman happily gives them free extra servings for the entertainment. 

She gets to meet the rest of Seulgi’s members in a cafe close to the convenience store. She’s nervous, because these girls will be in Seulgi’s life for a long time and she knows it’s important to get them to like her. Seulgi squeezes her hand under the table as three girls enter and spots them at the far corner of the cafe. 

She meets Yerim first, a 15-year-old full of energy that bounds up to their table the moment their eyes meet and clings to Joohyun as soon as they’re introduced. Following right behind her is Sooyoung, an 18-year-old that’s already much taller than Joohyun, her voice quiet when they first meet but uses all her energy to tease Seulgi. Joohyun thinks it’s cute. Lastly, she meets Seungwan, who’s the same age as Seulgi and who hugs the older woman before proudly proclaiming that she is Joohyun’s biggest fan.

_“Huh? Why me?”_

_“Happy leader means happy members! And look at how happy our leader is!”_

_“Of course she’s happy, you’re going to debut!”_

_“Nah, unnie. After hours of rehearsals she’s still got that dopey look on her face, trust me, that’s all you.”_

_“YAH! SEUNGWAN-AH! I DON’T LOOK DOPEY!”_

_“It’s okay, Seulgi. It’s cute.” Joohyun says, placing a kiss on Seulgi’s cheek and the resulting redness causing all her members to laugh._

Joohyun vows to support all of them and Yerim hugs her tighter. She brings fruits every time she sneaks into their dorm (to Seungwan’s utter delight) and everyone sighs in relief when they realize that Joohyun has managed to charm and befriend the guards at the lobby and has already managed to swear them to secrecy. She also somehow finds the time to iron Yerim’s school uniform when Seulgi sheepishly admits that no one in the dorm knows how to do it. She lets Sooyoung cry on her shoulder when the younger girl confesses how tired she is and how nervous she is to debut. She lets Seulgi stay over at her own apartment when the weight of being a leader starts to become too much, and kisses away all the worry lines that form on her girlfriend’s face. 

It takes more than a half a year for Red Velvet to finally debut, and as promised, Joohyun is there. She’s in the middle of the crowd, (Seulgi had told her exactly where to stay so that they can spot her easily) singing along to Ice Cream Cake (having memorized both the song and the key dance points the same night Seulgi let her listen to it), and there’s nothing but pride on her face as she watches Seulgi and her members shine on stage. 

She screams the loudest, and her eyes meet each of the girls. She can tell that Yerim is a second away from jumping down and hugging her but all she can do is wave in her general direction and send finger hearts their way. (But Joohyun knows that at least some of it is aimed at her.)

Red Velvet gets busier and busier. More variety shows. Radio shows. A new comeback already in the pipeline as soon as their debut promotion period is over. Joohyun stays the same. Supportive. Drowns herself in work when Seulgi is too busy. Listens to Red Velvet when all she wants is to hear Seulgi’s voice. Never forgets to leave a short voice message of “Good night!”, even when she’s sure Seulgi is already collapsed on her tiny single bed in her dorm. 

Joohyun is supportive, but she’s not blind, she does her best and she knows Seulgi is trying too. Seulgi calls her as often as she can, leaves voice messages when she only has a minute, and sends flowers and food over to her apartment, just to show that she misses her. And when Seulgi is sure it’s only Joohyun and Jennie in the office, she manages to drop by with coffee and cookies and stay, just like before.

But even _**then**_. 

Even with all their effort, with all the love shared between them, with all the love that _overflows_ from them, Joohyun sees it coming from a mile away. 

She’s not mad. She can’t even find it in herself to be angry. Of course, there’s hurt. But that’s not Seulgi’s fault. It never is. This is Seulgi’s dream and seeing her live it makes her happy. Seeing the smile on Seulgi’s face when she watches the rookie idol on TV, hearing Seulgi talk about her fans and her members, and reading all the good things everyone says about them? It makes Joohyun incredibly happy too. 

So she doesn’t ask more of Seulgi, doesn’t even think of asking. Because she knows Seulgi is giving Joohyun every possible part of her. Seulgi gives her love in song lyrics - not yet produced but when they’re no longer rookies, they will, Seulgi promises. She shows her love in the outfits she wears to the airport, or to broadcast stations: a matching necklace, or a bag Joohyun bought for her, or a jacket that may or may not smell like Joohyun. She shows her love through her performances, a wink at the camera that causes fangirls to go crazy, but Joohyun knows it’s always meant for her. 

Seulgi gives Joohyun as much as she can and Joohyun knows that Seulgi would give her more if she could. But, Joohyun also knows that for a brief moment in time, Seulgi was hers. But now, amidst the adoring public both in Korea and around the world, she knows that Seulgi isn’t. At least not hers alone. 

The break is clean. It’s painful and utterly heart wrenching, but clean. It’s mutual. It’s what’s best, they decide. She blocks all their numbers as soon as Seulgi leaves her apartment, deactivates her Twitter (Sooyoung and Yerim had insisted that she follow their secret accounts), and locks herself in her room for days on end, forcing her body to not run to their dorm and beg them to take her back. (Because yeah, Joohyun felt she lost three other friends in the process too.)

Joohyun works and works and works. Because she doesn’t want to think, to process, to remember and honestly, Joohyun isn’t sure if she even wants to fully let go. And it sounds dumb, she knows, but she promised Seulgi, she promised Seungwan, Yerim and Sooyoung that she’d support them forever, and Joohyun would be damned if she ever even considered breaking that promise. 

Her thoughts are interrupted when her best friend and now business partner, Jennie, sends her a link, just like she’s done every day for the past two weeks. Just like she’s done for every Red Velvet comeback since their breakup. 

**Jendukie:** Have you seen it? 

**Baechu:** Not yet. Just got home.

 **Jendukie:** [link attached] Here you go. They did great.

 **Baechu:** Don’t they always? 

Joohyun’s cursor hovers over the play button and for a moment, she lets herself take in the video’s thumbnail. It’s Seulgi. Their leader. Her - no - their lovable bear. As usual, her face is fierce, nothing but confidence and power in that single gaze alone. But Joohyun knows that she’s just a giant teddy bear on the inside. Then again, Joohyun sighs, doesn’t everyone know that by now? 

And normally, this is easy. She’s kept her promise to support them, she’s watched their MVs, and looks for them during the year-end gayos, and she’s proud and smiling and cheering, sometimes with Jennie and her other friends by her side. But there’s something about tonight, maybe because it’s been so long and Joohyun can’t believe that Seulgi still has this affect on her, maybe it’s because she’s tired, maybe because it’s raining… but whatever it is, Joohyun can’t deal with it tonight.

“Seulgi-ya.” Joohyun whispers, her fingers tracing the image of Seulgi’s face, still frozen on the video’s thumbnail. “Do you still think of me? Do you still remember me? Does Yerim know how to iron her clothes now? Does Sooyoung still want to bring a dog into the dorm? Does Seungwan still drive you insane in that tiny room you both share? Do they hate me? Do you? I’m sorry. You know that right?”

She blinks away the tears that are threatening to fall and shuts her laptop, leaving their comeback MV untouched.

Joohyun stares up at the ceiling. 

“Are you at peace?” 

Joohyun closes her eyes. 

“Are you happy?” 

“Please,” Joohyun says to no one in particular and forces her eyes to remain shut. “I hope all your dreams are coming true.”


	2. Interlude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick, but necessary piece. An interlude.

**Interlude: a connection between songs, interludes are most commonly employed as a pit stop; an opportunity to recalibrate and refocus.**

**White Night**

_Why can’t I forget you?_

_My day and night only consist of you_

_I’m still like this, you know me, please understand_

_Today too, I can’t sleep and trying to forget you_

_It’s my own long goodbye_

It’s raining. Again. It has been for the past couple of days so at least this time, Joohyun has come to expect it. But then again, she’s made it a habit to bring her umbrella wherever she goes. Well, it’s not hers per se… but Joohyun can’t find it in herself to let go of the bright yellow umbrella with the stupidly cute bear charm. 

She steps out from under the same awning, though she doesn’t drop by the convenience store as often as she did before. It was great when the owner knew their names, but it hurt every time they would bring up Seulgi, and how proud they were to see Seulgi on stage and eagerly recalling to anyone who would listen about how the younger girl would always clear out their stock of Pringles. 

Joohyun hates this route home. She hates the memories tied to this road. She hates the rain. She hates how this path is still the same, after all the countless times they’ve walked along together, she hates how the crack on the sidewalk is still there, how all the kiosks still have the same food fare and regulars. (Joohyun still waves to Mrs. Choi and the older woman is solemn, like she understands, and still always gives Joohyun a little extra tteokbokki when she stops by.) She hates how whenever she’d walk down this path, Red Velvet’s Automatic would begin playing in her head because of that one time Seulgi was adamant on letting Joohyun hear their new song and decided to sing it for her instead once she realized her phone had died. 

She hates how she can’t help but see the girl she loved - loves - everywhere. How, when she closes her eyes, she still sees her bright smile directed at her. And even when she opens them, Seulgi’s face, along with her members are plastered over the different billboards, posters, and magazines in Seoul. As if the universe refuses to let her forget that she chose to let go. That she chose to continue life without Seulgi. 

Even crossing the busy pedestrian lane, Joohyun finds herself missing the younger girl. She misses that dumb black cap that she always wore, dusty because she never believed it needed to be washed, and how she’d pull it a little bit lower before grabing Joohyun’s hand, and leading her through the unsuspecting crowd. 

Joohyun finally lets out a deep breath she didn’t realize she was holding as she steps under the roof of her apartment building. She shakes the rain off her umbrella, hoping to shake off any memory of Seulgi in the process as well. But she knows it’s just one of those days. Those days when all she can do is hug her giant stuffed bear and pray for the time to come when she’s strong enough and willing enough to truly forget. 

* * *

Seulgi sighs as she watches the rain fall from her designated seat in their van. It’s been raining for how many days now and honestly, Seulgi is getting sick of it. She used to love the rain, it calmed her down, and there was something about the scent in the air after a good rain that she found addicting. But now, it leaves her with a bittersweet feeling and the ghost of someone she can never let go of. 

“Oh! Look, it’s our old dorm! Wow, I forgot how old it looked on the outside!” 

At Sooyoung’s words, the bittersweet feeling turns into a mixture of panic and nostalgia, and Seulgi is determined to keep her eyes forward, knowing that if she even spared her old home a glance, it would bring back memories that she didn’t need right now. But of course, as usual, the universe conspires against her and as soon as they pass by their old dorm, they end up in crawling traffic. 

“Absolutely terrific,” Seulgi grumbles under her breath.

Their van is practically at a full stop beside the convenience store she and Joohyun used to go to and Seulgi wonders if the owner still remembers her, or if the owner still keeps a secret stash of Pringles just for Seulgi. The cars ahead of them move so slowly that Seulgi easily spots Joohyun’s favorite ahjumma, the one that serves the best tteokbokki and pinches Joohyun’s cheeks every time they pass by. The one that looks at Joohyun like she’s her own daughter and Seulgi remembers how bright she smiles when the two speak to each other with their Daegu accent. 

Seulgi watches as everyone goes about their afternoon, umbrellas over their heads, walking that path she has ingrained into every fiber of her being. She spots the exact area where there used to be (or maybe still has?) a crack on the sidewalk, the one Seulgi tripped over that led Joohyun to laugh out so loud people started staring.

And then, of course, at the end of the path and seemingly at the end of the traffic jam, is Joohyun’s apartment. (Is it still her apartment? Has she moved?) They’re finally at the stoplight, and Seulgi is ready for this trip down memory lane to be over when Seulgi spots it.

A bright yellow umbrella, the person underneath it crossing the street towards the apartment. Long black hair, petite and-

Seulgi scrambles up from her seat, and rushes over to Seungwan’s side, effectively crushing her bandmate as she tries to get a better look. 

“What? What’s going on?”

Their van begins to move again and Seulgi moves to the back of the van where the maknaes are stationed, watching as the girl under the yellow umbrella walks into the apartment building. 

Seulgi’s mouth drops open, a part of her close to asking (well, pleading if Seulgi were honest) their manager to stop the car. To run after her. Seungwan, Sooyoung, and Yerim are looking at her, confusion etched onto their faces. 

Seulgi slumps back into her seat.

“I think that was Joohyun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See y'all tom for Chapter 3! Let me know what you think in the comments or talk to me on twitter @iccampfire :)


	3. side b

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Memories and a push in the right direction

**Track IV. Nonstop**

_You gave me a reason to not give up_

_All of these despair and joy of mine_

_They’re meant for you_

“And that was Red Velvet’s Kingdom Come!” the radio host says as the song fades into the background, flashing a wide grin to his guests. “Now, this song, it’s not your title track, but you’ve all said that this was one of your favorites.” 

“Yes, and our fans love it too! There’s a lot of emotion in the song. It’s a great R&B track, yes, but the soft melody really pulls at your heart and makes you feel the genuine love and devotion in the lyrics.” Seungwan answers. 

Sooyoung digs her nails into Seulgi’s arm, a smirk on her face as if saying, _Here it comes_. And like clockwork, the DJ says, “I think everyone, including our listeners can agree that the song’s most striking line was, ‘Love you ‘til kingdom come’. It was such a good line and I had to wonder, what inspired it? Perhaps you ladies are in love?” 

They’re so used to (read: tired of) the question that a part of Seulgi wishes she didn’t even write the song in the first place. But they’re professionals, and they’re great at pretending this is the first time anyone’s asked them that question throughout this promotion cycle. 

Just like they practiced, the unnies duck their heads and Yerim giggles, “I think I’m still a bit too young to fall in love. Or at least, that’s what my overprotective unnies will say. But I recently watched a drama, omo, can I say the title? No? Okay, well, Seulgi unnie and I are watching a drama and I told unnie that I want a love story like that too!”

Seulgi playfully rolls her eyes as planned, and up next should be Sooyoung but the dj prods further. “What did you like about the love story in the drama?” 

Yerim’s eyes dart to Seulgi so quickly that she’s sure not even their most eagle-eyed fans would notice. She clears her throat, knowing this wasn’t something they practiced, “The couple in the drama were friends for a long time before they realized they were in love with each other, but the problem is they’re still trying to reach their dreams and they don’t know if they can prioritize both.” 

“Wow, I think I should watch that drama too then! Has it ended?” 

Yerim shakes her head, “No, there’s still a couple of episodes left! It’s so exciting but we really have no idea on how it’s going to end. It can go either way.” 

The dj laughs at Yerim’s enthusiasm, “Okay, I think it’s time for Red Velvet’s Yeri to make a public request to the show’s PD.” 

Once again, Yerim glances at Seulgi and laughs awkwardly, but it’s fine, everyone will think Yerim is shy and embarrassed for having to make a request on the spot. “Hello, PD-nim! It’s Yeri from Red Velvet! I love your show so much! Not just me, but my unnies too! I hope there’s a happy ending, PD-nim. I hope their love can survive all the ups and downs and still reach their dreams! Because that’s possible right? But I know you’ll make it great no matter what and we will enjoy it til the end! Uh- is that okay? PD-nim, fighting!” 

Everyone laughs at their maknae’s cuteness and just when Seulgi thinks they can finally move on, the host asks Yeri another question. “So you want to be with someone you’ve known for a long time? Like a childhood friend?” 

Yerim shakes her head, “No, it doesn’t matter if we’ve been friends forever or just met a week ago. I just want to fall in love with someone who’ll support me always even if this is the life I chose and I want to be able to support them too.” 

“Wow, Yeri-ssi! No one would think you’re the maknae!” the radio host laughs again, “Please, PD-nim, if you’re listening, give Yeri a happy ending!”

Seulgi can feel her body heat up at their maknae’s words, and she prays to any deity that would listen that hopefully, it doesn’t reflect on her face, because she has no idea how she’d explain that one. A part of her wants to be mad at Yerim, but she was just answering the question, right? It’s not Yerim’s fault that her words hit Seulgi.

A tap on her leg snaps Seulgi out of her thoughts, and Seulgi is so grateful that Sooyoung is the true embodiment of her stage name ‘Joy’ as the younger girl easily shifts the energy in the room, making everyone laugh as she takes her turn to answer the question. A tap on her other leg and she directs a bright smile at Seungwan, knowing that’s what the fan’s cameras will capture and not Seungwan’s motherly worried eyes. Yerim gives Seulgi an apologetic look before she acts like it never happened and begins to tease Sooyoung about filming her first kissing scene and wishing she was on set to take a video of the awkwardness. 

“What about you, Wendy-ssi? The girls have always said you’re the greasiest out of all of them.” 

“Unnie stays at home too much!” Sooyoung interjects, “There’s no one for her to meet!” 

“YAH!” 

“She’s greasy if she’s comfortable with the person, but if it’s someone she just met, Wendy unnie will be all shy and hide behind Seulgi unnie.” Yerim adds. 

Seungwan huffs, but it’s all in good fun and the host laughs at the group, encouraging Seungwan to ‘go for it’ the next time she spots someone she likes.

“Speaking of Seulgi-ssi! Are you in love? Have you ever been in love?” the host asks, with a little wiggle of his eyebrows that honestly, Seulgi doesn’t appreciate. “After all, if I’m not mistaken, you were the one who wrote the song.” 

This one, Seulgi’s ready for, so she laughs right on cue and explains that she’s been too busy looking after her members to even consider dating. 

“That’s what you said years ago too! You’re no longer rookies! In fact, all the current rookies look up to Red Velvet now! You’re veterans in the industry now with 6 years and many awards under your belt, plus, everyone has individual schedules, surely you have more time to go out?”

“Because everyone is always out, I feel like my leader mode is always activated.”

Sooyoung pats Seulgi on the back, “Unnie is always looking out for us! Making sure we eat and are healthy if we have individual shoots or recordings. She texts a lot too! She even texted my photographer a few days before my shoot, asking him to take care of me.” 

“Seulgi also likes going out by herself. It helps her relax and calm down, especially after spending all day with our maknaes.” Wendy interjects.

“HEY!” Sooyoung and Yerim exclaim at the same time, causing everyone, even the fans outside, to laugh.

“Really? No one has caught Ace Leader Seulgi’s eye?” the radio host prods.

_Only one woman has ever held my attention._

“Nope! We’ve met a lot of people over the years but I can’t help it. So far I haven’t felt any interest.” 

“No sparks with other idols?” 

Seulgi laughs, “No, no sparks. Just friendship.” 

“Ah, that’s too bad then.” 

The conversation finally shifts to their upcoming concert, they get to sing a live rendition of their latest title track, they say thank you to the fans for all the support, take a couple of pictures and before Seulgi knows it, she’s back in her own room, (a privilege of being a senior group) her back against the headboard and her knees tucked close to her chest. 

“Do you think… She listens?” Seulgi asks, as she notices Seungwan standing in the doorway. 

“To our radio shows?” 

“Yeah… or to our music in general.” 

Seungwan moves to take a seat on the edge of Seulgi’s bed. “Do you want my honest opinion?”

“Obviously.”

“I don’t think Joohyun unnie is the type to break her promises.” 

Seulgi forces a smile, “Yeah, I thought so.” 

“Are you okay? I mean… You and I both know Yerimie didn’t mean it… and that **_is_ ** the plot of the drama you guys are watching.”

“I’m okay. I’m just thinking…” 

“Go on.”

“She always supported us… always. And I never did the same for her.”

“What are you saying? Of course not! You supported her all the way! You always left her her favorite food after a long day, made sure she got home safely whenever her shoots would end late-” 

“I left her alone, Wannie. I- my dream- you guys, it’s all coming together. Hell, it all came true already. But what about her? I have no idea. I left her.”

“Seul, I’m sure she understands. That’s why you broke up in the first place, right? Because you felt you weren’t being fair to her and that you couldn’t be there for her anymore.” 

“She’s always understood.” Seulgi sighs. “Even when she didn’t have to. She rarely got mad… heck, I missed our first anniversary, practically slept through the whole thing-”

“And when you woke up, she was the one in the dorm making us your favorite sujebi. I remember the panic on her face when Yerim just dropped the pieces into the soup like a bomb.” Seungwan chuckles. 

“We didn’t get to spend time alone at all that day, and she didn’t mind. She said she loved being around you guys. You guys cheered her up too. One of her favorite things is when she’d get random selcas from you three. When we’d fight and she’d ignore me, I’d send her pictures of Yerim and Sooyoung fighting. Or when they bully you. It makes her laugh every time.” 

Seungwan gives Seulgi a small smile, “That’s our Joohyunnie.” 

“I miss her.” 

“I know, Seul. We all do.” 

“I hope she knows.” 

“Know what?” 

“That I’m so grateful for her and everything she’s done. That she was a part of the reason why I was able to push through and not give up. I hope she knows she helped make this all possible.”

Seungwan sighs and pats her leader on the head, “Well, it’s been a couple of years. If she doesn’t know it yet, maybe it’s about time you tell her.”

* * *

**Track V. Pandora’s Box**

_Remember the us, us in this moment_

_Always like this, together forever_

Seulgi’s head hasn’t been on straight since that radio interview. Scratch that. It hasn’t been the same since she’s almost 100% sure she saw Joohyun walk past their van. Her head’s been in the clouds, in the past, and it’s affecting her more than she’d like. Not on stage, of course. Seulgi would never allow that. But it’s been affecting her in all the places she’d go to escape. 

Seulgi learned early on that as a leader, it’s important for her to put on a brave face even when she was terrified or tired or frustrated or just downright sad. So whenever those feelings would creep up, she threw herself into her work instead, whether it was singing practice, dance practice, songwriting lessons, and even music production.

The less time she has to think, or to worry, the better.

But now, she’s stuck. Stuck in this never-ending spiral of Joohyun. It’s not like she didn’t think about Joohyun over the past few years, in fact, she thinks of the older girl often. It’s that it used to be so easy to shove the thoughts away or to drown all the emotions into whatever she had going on. But now she can’t escape it no matter how hard she tries. Seulgi can’t help but wonder about how she is, if she’s doing well, if she’s happy, if she misses them (misses her), if she has any regrets, or if she still has that big giant bear that matches her big giant bunny that occupies a huge chunk of her bed. 

Seulgi is curled up on the couch, a variety show playing in the background as her thoughts are filled with Joohyun. 

Why did they even break up in the first place? At the time, it felt like the right thing to do. Seulgi was incredibly busy, almost 2 years as an idol and things had no sign of slowing down anytime soon. Joohyun was on the verge of getting promoted. But Seulgi felt like Joohyun deserved more. More attention, more time, more love. Things Seulgi couldn’t give her. And Joohyun didn’t want to get in the way of Seulgi’s success.

Honestly, Seulgi doesn’t know what she’d prefer. Would it have been better to be awoken from their perfect daydream abruptly? Have Joohyun in her life one minute and then completely gone the next? A shouting match perhaps to ensure that they’re ripped apart from each other for good? She wonders if in the long run, that would hurt less than the longing she still holds inside of her heart. 

Seulgi shakes her head, no, if it was a huge fight that led to their breakup, Seulgi thinks she would never be able to recover either. Because she could never hate Joohyun, she could never say mean things to her even when the older girl was being stubborn. She would never be able to recover if Joohyun looked at her with eyes full of hurt and betrayal. (Even though Joohyun’s eyes full of love are forever etched into Seulgi’s consciousness.)

This is painful, but Seulgi decides, is still the better alternative. 

Seulgi rubs her temples at the memory, at how Joohyun didn’t want any of them to end up picking sides (even if Seulgi always believed it was all her fault). Jooyhun wanted the three girls to always have faith in their leader, so the older girl asked Seulgi to lie. She made her tell them that it was Joohyun who ended things because she couldn’t handle it. Tell them she didn’t want this anymore. Seulgi still remembers how Joohyun kissed the top of her head and looked her in the eyes, Joohyun’s own eyes shimmering with unshed tears, “If they’re going to get mad at someone. Let that someone be me. I need them to love you, because I want to see you go far for a very long time. Okay?” 

Seulgi knows that it was **_their_ **breakup, but it was more than her and Joohyun’s hearts that broke that day. She’d see the effects in the way Seungwan would set an extra plate in their dorm on Sundays, or how Yerim would would buy that special laundry detergent out of the blue or how Sooyoung would wrap herself in a yellow blanket with a cartoon chick on it whenever she was feeling particularly down. (Seulgi still smiles when she thinks about spotting Sooyoung leaning on Joohyun’s shoulder, the blanket wrapped around their shoulders, as the younger girl cried.)

Like Seungwan said, they missed - and probably still miss - her too.

Joohyun came into their lives when they were trainees at the cusp of debut, and all her girls got attached to the older woman very quickly. She wasn’t officially a part of them, of course, but they couldn’t deny that she really was their missing piece. Their secret weapon. Their unofficial fifth member. Joohyun was their silent supporter. Their pillar of strength when trainers were too harsh, when their bodies ached and their voices were sore. She was the name they couldn’t utter when they won in music shows, yet she was the one that deserved recognition too. 

The one who always believed in them. (Even when they didn’t believe in themselves.) The one who taught Seulgi how to be a strong leader. The one who would call her after a long day of rehearsals just to say how proud she was of all of them and to say good night. The one who accepted all of Seulgi’s hugs and kisses even if she was incredibly gross and sweaty after a full day of dance practice. Or the one who would sing their songs when they think no one was listening. (Seulgi loved to tease Joohyun that in another life, she could have been an idol too.)

And maybe, what hurts the most and what makes it harder to fully let go, is that Joohyun still cares for them too. Seungwan was right, Joohyun is not the type to break her promises so Seulgi is sure that her ex-girlfriend still listens to their songs, watches Sooyoung’s dramas, listens to Wendy’s OSTs and probably even has Yeri’s Dear Diary on loop. 

Seulgi can still remember how when they had celebrated Yerim’s high school graduation, there were a bouquet of flowers waiting for them in the lobby when they came home. They thought it was from one of the brands they’ve been endorsing or even one of their fansites, but the messy handwriting and purple ink on the card gave it away instantly. 

Yerim cried happy tears and hugged the flowers close to her chest before posting it on their shared Instagram account with the simple caption: **Thank you for your support throughout the years.**

The likes pile up and usually, they don’t really mind it, until Sooyoung squeals in happiness when she saw: **jendukie has liked your photo**. (Jennie remains to be one of the few friends of Joohyun that Seulgi has met in all their years together, and the only Instagram account their maknaes were able to find that links to the older girl.) At least through Jennie, the group is sure that the photo will get to Joohyun. 

“Seulgi unnie?” a small voice calls out, snapping Seulgi back to reality. 

It’s unusual to see their usually happy and excitable maknae quietly standing and looking unsure of herself. 

“What’s wrong? Come, sit,” Seulgi forces a smile, and pats the space next to her on the couch. 

“I’m sorry about what I said… at that radio show. I know that it’s been bothering you lately…” 

Seulgi pulls the younger girl into a hug. “It’s okay, Yerim-ah. I’m fine.” 

“But you’re not. I know you’re thinking about Joohyun unnie again and you wouldn’t have thought about her so much if I didn’t bring it up.” Yerim sighs into the hug before pulling away. “I want to make it up to you.” 

“What, you’ll treat me to dinner?” 

Yerim rolls her eyes, (that’s more like it, Seulgi thinks), “No, no. I did this for you, but I’ll be honest, I did this for me too. And for all of us.” 

Seulgi pinches the bridge of her nose, “Yerim-ah, what did you do?” 

“I want to make this right. I want her to know that we still care, and that all her support for us didn’t go to waste. I want to properly thank her. Even if you can’t be together… I don’t want her to be a stranger. I hate this huge bridge between us...” Yerim doesn’t say it but Seulgi can hear the unspoken, _“even though we all want you to be together”._

“Yerimie…” 

Yerim takes a deep breath and it makes Seulgi more nervous than ever. 

“If you get mad at me, I’ll understand. But I know you won’t be mad at me for long.” 

“Please, just spit it out.” 

“I sent her tickets to our concert. Pre-show soundcheck access and backstage passes too… I want to see her again.” Seulgi blinks, her mind going at a hundred miles per hour trying to process it. “Unnie, say something please. Are you mad?” 

Seulgi shakes her head, no, mad is definitely not the word, especially as tears begin to form in her eyes. 

“Unnie! I’m sorry! I didn’t- oh my god, I can handle you being mad at me but please don’t cry!!” 

Just then, the door to their dorm opens and the two remaining members rush in at the sight. “What happened???” Wendy asks, wrapping her best friend in a hug and automatically glaring at the most probable offender.

“You told her, huh?” Sooyoung says slinging an arm around Yerim’s shoulder. 

“Told her what?” 

Yerim slaps Sooyoung’s arm, “You didn’t tell Seungwan unnie?! That was our agreement!” 

“Tell me what?” 

“You do it! I already made Seulgi unnie cry!” Yerim pushes their tallest member forward. 

“So… uh… Yerim and I may or may not have sent tickets to Joohyun unnie. With uh… backstage access and all...” 

“You did what?!” 

Both maknaes raise their hands in defense, “Before you get mad, Seungwan unnie-” 

“Let us explain. Okay?” Sooyoung says, gesturing for Seungwan to take a seat on the couch beside their leader who is still trying not to cry. “Seulgi unnie and Joohyun unnie have been broken up for what, almost four years? The break up has never affected us as a group. It’s never affected our music, and our performances. And that’s great right? But, we all admit that when Joohyun unnie left, we all felt sad and sometimes, we still do.” 

“I’m sorry.” Seulgi sighs.

“No unnie, don’t apologize. We didn’t blame you then, and we don’t blame you now. It happens. But, now, Yerimie and I realized maybe it’s time for us to reach out to her. She played her part when she sent Yerim and I those flowers-” 

“Wait. She sent you flowers too?”

“On the first day of my drama filming… for uh… both dramas.” 

“You said those were from your fansite…” 

“I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know how to tell you then, but my point is, I think we’ve had enough time apart. Joohyun unnie is a part of us, no matter how much we try to erase her, we can’t. Plus, we’re no longer rookies! We worked so hard to get to this point, to be able to have more say in what we do… to make decisions for ourselves!”

“And Sooyoung unnie and I have decided that it’s time to get our Joohyun unnie back.” 

“As a friend, at the very least.” Sooyoung quickly adds.

“But unnie if it’s going to hurt you and make you cry, then it’s okay. Maybe manager unnie hasn't sent over the invites yet.”

Seulgi shakes her head and tears begin to form again, “No, it’s not sad tears. It’s- I don’t know- shocked? grateful? I don’t think I’d ever be brave enough to take the leap and do that. I don't know what to do if I see her again.” 

Sooyoung plops down beside Seulgi and pulls her into a hug. “Then you’re lucky you have us then.” 

“Is it okay with you, Seungwan unnie?” Yerim asks. 

“Of course it is!” Seungwan replies, giving a thumbs up.

“Though honestly, we figured your vote counted the least.” Sooyoung admits.

“YAH!” Seungwan throws a pillow at her. “I was just about to compliment that our maknaes have grown up to be so mature and smart but now I take it back!” 

“I’ve always been smart,” Sooyoung smirks, “Yerimie on the other hand…”

“I THOUGHT WE WERE ON THE SAME SIDE!” Yerim shouts, practically diving to tackle Sooyoung. 

Whatever peace they had, shattered in an instant. But Seulgi wouldn’t have it any other way.

* * *

**Track VI. Boom**

_This is my song, a clumsy confession_

_If you hear it, please accept it_

Maybe it’s their love of performing. Maybe it’s the way they love making their fans happy. Maybe it’s because they get to shoot more content and release a live album afterwards. Maybe because as Sooyoung said, they’re no longer rookies, so this concert feels different. It feels like it’s truly _theirs_. Maybe it’s all of these put together that make them work extra hard, to give their all in every dance routine, to sing as if their life depended on it. 

(Maybe it’s because Joohyun might come and watch them but Seulgi will never admit that out loud.)

But with or without Joohyun, there’s always something about concerts that shifts the entire energy of the group. And now, now that they’re older, wiser, and more confident in who they are as individuals and as a group, they take part in it as much as they can in order to give all their fans an amazing experience. They choose the songs, the stages, the outfits, they even come up with a storyline. 

“Here’s the final output of the concert’s VCR.” 

The storyline is definitely crazy, but they were aiming for fun and unforgettable and it’s definitely what they got. The group watches with excitement and a bit of embarrassment, as they watch themselves on screen playing in the theme park (definitely Seulgi and Yerim’s favorite part of the shoot), running away from hunters (Sooyoung just threw the idea out there and even she was surprised it got approved), and trying to escape from an abandoned warehouse (Seungwan shared it was an actual literal fear of hers so of course they needed to “conquer” it together). 

The VCR ends with the revelation that Seulgi is the villain that lures the rest of the girls into a trap and it cuts with her sharp eyes and a smirk on her face. Then, it fades to black. 

Seungwan starts clapping. “It’s perfect! Just how we pictured it.”

Seulgi gives the producer a thumbs up, “I can’t believe you made all our crazy ideas actually look great.”

“Thank you, Rosé unnie!” Yerim says.

“Glad you liked it. We’ll send this to your concert tech crew immediately and we’ll see you at rehearsals for the behind the scenes and technical runs.” 

They file out of the room as soon as they sign their approval, and Sooyoung looks back over shoulder, watching as the producer talks to their manager and their concert director. “I swear… It’s been bugging me since we met her but she seems so familiar…”

“Maybe that’s because you have a crush on her.” Yerim smirks. 

“No, I don’t!” 

Seungwan laughs, “Yeah, right! During the entire shoot you were all, ‘What do you think, Rosé-ssi? Was that scene alright, Rosé-ssi? How long have you been working with BP, Rosé-ssi? Oh, I can just call you Rosé? Thank you, Rosé-ssi!’”

“Well, at least I could talk to her! You barely looked at Eunji unnie when she’d direct us!” 

“That’s different!” 

“Yah, girls, relax. We still have a lot to do today.” 

“Sorry, Seul.” 

“But Sooyoung’s right, at least talk to the girl, Wan! Don’t be a wimp!”

“Seeeeul,” Seungwan whines. 

“Okay, time to practice!” Seulgi says, opening their van’s door and ignoring Seungwan’s persistent whining. 

* * *

It’s only a little over a week until their concert when they see Rosé and her crew again. They’ve just started practicing in the concert hall for final rehearsals and the girls are currently splayed across different parts of their dressing room, too tired to move. 

“Excuse me, Seulgi-ssi?” 

“Hey Rosé!” Seulgi stands as the producer walks into the room. 

Wendy shouts a greeting from her corner, while Yerim continues to lie down, content with a simple wave from her spot. Sooyoung, on the other hand, sits up straight and fixes her hair, flashing her best smile as she welcomes the producer. 

“Sorry to interrupt, I know you guys are tired but I just wanted to introduce our crew for the behind the scenes shots, if that’s alright.” Rosé says. 

“No, it’s fine. Give us a moment.” Seulgi gathers her members together (practically having to pull Yeri onto her feet) and makes sure that they at least look respectable for the new people they’ll be meeting. “Okay, sorry, go ahead. Let them in.”

“This is Jinsol and Jungeun. Since we all agreed that we wanted to keep the atmosphere comfortable, we felt it would be best to keep our crew light. They’ll be following you four around every day of rehearsal starting tomorrow and of course, for all 3 of your concert days. They can also help you set up your own cameras when you want to do individual shoots or switch to the selca cams. If there’s anything you don’t want them to see, just let them know and they can step out for a bit. If you want to see what they’ve shot at the end of the day, feel free to ask. If there’s anything you want them to delete, they’ll delete it on the spot for you. We value our artist’s privacy and comfort above all else.” Rosé says as the two girls step forward with a small bow. 

“Thank you, Rosé unnie!” Jinsol says before turning to Red Velvet, “It’s nice to meet you all, we’ll do our best!” 

As their rehearsals continue, Seulgi quickly understands why their concert’s visual director pushed to partner with BP Studios. The agency was pretty new, around two and a half years old from what Seulgi can recall, but their all-female crew matched with their creativity, eye for detail and overall professionalism made them the go-to studio for female idols and actresses. Jinsol and Jungeun were obviously young and new to the business, sometimes asking Rosé or their Director of Photography, Lisa, for help, but they were willing to learn and remained calm and professional all throughout. In fact, they were so focused on their jobs and not getting in the way that Yerim even had to say, “You can make sounds around us, we promise it’s fine,” for them to start smiling and talking around them. 

As always, the two young videographers are huddled in the corner of their dressing room, going through footage as everyone eats their dinner and relaxes before their next technical run, when something Jungeun says piques Seulgi’s curiosity, “Really?? You’re absolutely sure she’ll be here?” 

“That’s what Haseul said.” 

Jungeun groans, her head now in her hands. “Oh no, oh no, oh no, now I’m really nervous.” 

“You’re fine around the country’s top idols but as soon as anyone mentions unnie you turn into a complete mess.” Jinsol laughs, patting her friend on the back. 

And blame it on the boredom or the fact that Jungeun is normally completely cool and collected, but Seulgi **_is_ ** curious. So, she does what any curious person would do. She waves them over.

“Jinsol, Jungeun! Come, sit with us. Let’s eat together!” 

“Uh… it’s okay, Seulgi-ssi. We don’t want to intrude.” 

“Come on, I insist.” 

The two share a look before grabbing their food and taking their place across the idols. Jinsol smiles warmly, but Jungeun is sitting up completely straight, her hands fidgeting on a loose thread on her jeans. 

“Jungeun-ssi, relax! We don’t bite!” 

“Sorry, she’s a bit nervous.”

“Have we made you feel unwelcome?? We didn’t mean to, we’re just so focused on-” Seungwan rambles, worry evident in her voice. 

“No, no! Wendy-ssi, it’s not that!” Jungeun waves her hands in an effort to reassure the older girl.

Jinsol sighs at her friend, “It’s just our boss. We just found out that she’s coming to supervise the last show.”

“Is she a bitch? We can refuse her entry if you want.” Yerim suggests, waving her chopsticks around.

“NO!” the videographers reply in unison. 

“She’s been in Japan for the past two months working on a visual album for one of our clients. Usually, we have video conferences so she can check up on our progress. So, when an editor told us she’d be back in time for this, we were surprised.” 

Sooyoung chuckles, “Surprised? Jungeun seems terrified.” 

“Yeah, it’s like she’s gonna pass away!” 

“You mean pass out, Yeri.” Seungwan corrects while Yerim just replies with snort, “I said what I said.”

Jungeun runs a hand through her hair, “It’s just… She’s one of the founders of BP, along with Rosé unnie and Lisa unnie. She’s really good at what she does! She’s literally the reason why BP got so big so fast. Even if it’s just a reality show, she’s able to find really beautiful angles that sometimes in the middle of editing you’ll stop and think, wow, this shot belongs in a movie. She’s so good at storytelling both on and off cam. You can tell her your concept over lunch and by the end of the day, she’ll have a storyboard mapped out for you!”

Seulgi’s heart begins to race and her palms turn sweaty, memories of her video-camera-toting-ex-girlfriend playing in her head. 

_“I don’t love my job, but I love what I do. Does that make sense?”_

_“Of course it does. Also, your boss kinda sucks.”_

_“There’s just something about being behind the camera, being able to make the audience see what you want them to see, using small details to shift a scene or to tell a story. It’s like…” Joohyun points to the steaming bowl of jjampong in front of her. “If I were shooting a food commercial, I’d focus on this, on the steam, how the ingredients look absolutely perfect in the bowl, right? It makes you hungry, makes you want to buy it or at least eat jjampong.”_

_Joohyun makes a square with her hands, “But, if I just pulled back a little bit, shifted the angle and moved you out of the way, the camera will capture something different.”_

_Seulgi turns around and smiles at the scene, the store’s ahjumma and her son are cooking together though the ahjumma lightly scolds him with a slap on his arm and he just flashes her a sheepish smile, getting her to laugh with him too._

_“I’d capture not just the jjampong and how good it is, but I’d capture its story. How it was passed down from generations. Then sure, you’d still want to buy jjampong, but maybe you’d make more of an effort to try it in this restaurant. Cause you know how much love and work was made into each bowl. And all it took was a small shift in perspective. Small things like that. Changing ideas, telling stories. That’s what I love about what I do.”_

“Now it seems like you have a crush on her.” Yerim teases and the two girls try and fail to hide the blush on their cheeks.

“Honestly, I think we all do. She’s really pretty. I almost choked on my spit when I saw her during my job interview. I can’t believe I even survived it, to be honest. Truly a goddess among us.” Jinsol sighs.

_“Goddess Bae Joohyun.”_

_“Yah! Stop it!” Joohyun rolls her eyes._

_“What? I can’t help it, my girlfriend really is a goddess. Look at those eyes! Absolutely dazzling. And a cute little nose. And really really nice kissable lips. God truly has his favorites.”_

_“You’re such a dork, you know that?”_

_Seulgi laughs and peppers kisses all over Joohyun’s face. “Yes, yes, I’m a dork. But you’re still a goddess. End of discussion.”_

“But it’s not only that, I promise!” Jungeun defends, hiding her face behind Jinsol’s shoulder. “I just haven’t gotten the chance to work with her yet, but everyone who has says she can be a bit intimidating at first, but she’s a really great mentor. I just want her to see that it was right to hire me!”

“Jungeun…” 

“Yes, Seulgi-ssi?” 

“What’s the name of your boss?” 

“Her name is Irene! We’ll introduce her to you guys too, don’t worry!”

“Oh.” Seulgi’s heart sinks but she tries not to let it show. Seulgi can see the curious look Seungwan sends her way, but chooses to ignore it, instead flashing Jungeun a smile and giving the duo a thumbs up. “Don’t worry too much, ok, Jungeun? We’ll do our best so that you have amazing footage to show her and everyone will see how glad we are that both of you are working with us.”

The two girls turn beet red at the compliment and start thanking them profusely, which Yerim and Sooyoung take as a cue to start teasing them to no end, Yerim somehow starts to fish for compliments while Sooyoung lists down her best angles for them to capture. 

“I wish them luck.” Seungwan says, as they watch their maknaes annoy someone else. 

“Please, did you see the rest of Jinsol and Jungeun’s team? There’s like 12 of them total. I’m sure those two satans are nothing they can’t handle.”

Seungwan chuckles in agreement and Seulgi tries to close her eyes to avoid the inevitable question, “So… are you okay?” 

“Yup. Why do you ask?” 

“It’s just when they were talking about their boss…” 

“It’s nothing.” 

“Are you sure? It sounds like you were thinking-” 

“Of Joohyun? I was. But turns out it’s not her. Please, let’s just drop it, Wannie.”

Seungwan sighs, but nods, leaning her head on Seulgi’s shoulder. “I’m just saying… you’re not the only one who thought of her.” 

* * *

Ever since Yerim and Sooyoung mentioned giving Joohyun tickets, they never brought it up again, too focused on work and probably not wanting to distract each other with the probability of seeing the older woman after years apart. (Though Seulgi is sure they talk about it with _each other_ , just not with her.) But now that the day was finally here, it was pretty impossible not to talk about it. Though, Seulgi wishes it came with better news. 

“Manager unnie said she didn’t use her soundcheck tickets.” Yerim says, trying to feign nonchalance as she scrolls through her Instagram, but Seulgi knows the younger girl better than that.

“Hey, you did your part, right? Besides, we don’t know if we even sent it to the right address. She could have moved. Or she may have other plans today. Cheer up, Yerimie.” Seulgi says putting an arm around Yerim and pulling her close. “Listen, whether or not she arrives, let’s do our best. Luvies deserve an unforgettable show, okay?” 

“What if she’s not coming because she’s mad at us? Because it took us so long to reach out? What if we missed our chance?” 

Seulgi tucks a strand of hair behind Yerim’s ear, something she remembers Joohyun doing for all of them. “If there’s anything I’m absolutely sure of, it’s that Joohyunnie could never be mad at you.”

Yerim beams, “You’re right. I am her favorite after all.”

Seulgi playfully rolls her eyes, glad that Yerim isn’t blaming herself, and tries to ignore the own gnawing of her stomach at the very big possibility of Joohyun ditching them. 

Soon enough, the concert director calls them to get ready and they huddle together along with their dancers. 

They listen as their fans cheer, their various MVs playing on the big screen and Seulgi fixes her outfit one last time, the nervous energy vibrating through her. From the corner of her eye, she can see Jungeun shift uncomfortably, looking over her shoulder from time to time. 

Apparently, she’s not the only one that notices as Yerim looks around and asks, “Are you still worried? Is your boss here? Is she watching you?” 

“I’m still filming! She’ll hear it!” Jungeun shrieks but Sooyoung just laughs beside her.

“It’s fine, just delete it! So, is she here?” 

Jungeun shakes her head, “Last I heard, unnie’s flight was delayed. I don’t know if she’s going to make it.”

“Don’t worry, just make sure I look good and your boss is gonna love it. I guarantee it.” Sooyoung winks. 

“You always look good, Joy-ssi.” 

“Oh? Are you flirting with me, Jungeun-ssi?”

“I- what- no!” 

“Joy, please stop stressing out the poor girl. We’re up in five.” Seulgi says before turning to Jungeun, “Hey, you've been doing great! She’ll love it, I’m sure.” 

The crowd outside begins to scream their lungs out as the first part of the VCR comes to an end. Their director gives them the signal, and the spotlight is bright as it focuses on where they’re meant to enter, the music begins to play, and Seulgi takes a deep breath before she bursts onto the stage. 

And _damn_.

There’s really nothing like it, being on stage, singing, dancing, and doing what she’s always dreamed of with people she considers family. She gives her all through each song focusing on giving her fans a good time. It’s only when they take a breath to greet the audience and Yerim begins talking about how excited they are for tonight that Seulgi catches Seungwan’s eye and their eyes dart towards a pair of special seats. 

They call it the ‘Parent Seats’ mostly because it’s a row of seats where their parents usually sit when they come to watch. A row of seats usually reserved for friends who are watching their first show, or other relatives when their parents can’t make it. It’s quite literally, the perfect place to be. It gives a perfect view of the performance, while still being close enough to the extended stage that when the light hits just right, they get to see their parents for a brief moment as they perform on stage. 

Even though their manager never mentioned what tickets they gave Joohyun, all their family members have already watched the earlier shows, so it was obvious who got the Parent Seat this time around. They make their way towards the extended stage, to wave hello to the fans at that end, and Seungwan easily reaches for Seulgi’s hand in reassurance. (Though Seulgi notices that Seungwan’s hand is shaking too.) 

“Hello everyone! Welcome to Red Mare!” Sooyoung greets. 

The members turn to greet the fans from all different sides, making sure no one feels left out and Seulgi turns to the Parent Seat, waiting for the spotlight to move. And usually, she’s met by the cheers of her family and friends. Usually, she waves and smiles and she’s greeted by smiles just as big and proud.

But this time, she’s greeted by an empty seat. 

Seulgi can feel her heart drop to her feet but then she spots something - well, someone - else. 

Jennie. 

Jennie smiles, winks, then waves her own mandubong as she cheers her lungs out. Yerim turns to Seulgi, and there’s a flash of confusion on her face before it settles into a smile. Seungwan, who most probably also saw Jennie is smiling too and Sooyoung, takes a moment and pulls them into a group hug. The crowd goes wild at the gesture, but Seulgi understands what her members are trying to say.

They’re okay. 

This is okay. 

For whatever reason, it seems that Joohyun can’t be here, and it’s okay. Because they see Jennie, and they’ve long understood that Jennie is Joohyun’s favorite way of reaching out. It’s okay, because it seems that Joohyun is still theirs, after all. 

As they pull away from the hug, Seulgi speaks to the crowd, and her eyes are in Jennie’s general direction, “Thank you all for coming here tonight! Get ready for a night to remember!” Seulgi hopes that Jennie gets the message and passes it on to Joohyun.

* * *

The only time Seulgi can really stop to catch a breath during the entire concert is when her members are on stage for their solo performances. With almost 10 minutes to herself after she changes into her suit, Seulgi usually uses this time to practice choreography, go over her mistakes of the previous night or to think about what she’ll say to the fans. But now, as she watches Yerim sing ‘Dear Diary’, Seulgi’s mind goes back to one particular night. 

_“One day, you’re going to hear this song on the radio, and you’ll know it’s for you.”_

_“I highly doubt your company is gonna make that song the title track. It’s too mellow.” Joohyun smirks._

_“Okay, fine. You’re right. But still. One day, I’m gonna make sure it goes on one of our albums. I’ll even write your name on the acknowledgements part if you want. Or your initials at least.”_

_Joohyun shakes her head, kissing Seulgi softly. “It doesn’t matter if my name is on it or not. I already know what you mean and that’s what counts.”_

_But Seulgi pouts as she tries one last time, determined to be able to show off her love. “One day, I’m going to sing this song on stage and every word will be for you. I promise.”_

She thinks about that promise, whispered between her and the woman she loves the most. 

She thinks about how she made that promise months before their break up. She thinks about how she still hasn’t fulfilled it yet. But most of all, Seulgi thinks about how so many things have changed, as individuals, for sure, and of course their overall relationship, and yet, some things remain the same. How after all this time, Joohyun supports them in the best way she can, may it be flowers, or through her best friend, or those old phone calls before bed. And for Seulgi, how after all this time, after all the heartache, all the praise, awards and fans, Joohyun is still Seulgi’s favorite person to sing for - even if she’s not in the audience. 

Ever since she saw Joohyun walking in the rain a couple of months ago, Seulgi drowned herself in longing, in what was, what ifs, and what could have beens. Every time she thought about Joohyun, she was in pain. But, she was blind. She focused so much on the regret, she didn’t realize that everyone else was working to move on to make things _better_. Everyone except her.

Maybe seeing Joohyun was supposed to be a sign, not a sign that she had abandoned the older girl, but maybe it was a good sign. A sign that things were okay. A sign that now is the time. That things were changing and getting better. Sooyoung after all, kept reiterating how they were older and wiser now. 

Yerim finishes her song and the crowd erupts in cheers. When they step out onto the stage again, Seulgi, for the first time in a long time, starts to feel hopeful. Hopeful that she isn’t too late. That she can still do something.

As Kingdom Come begins to play, Seulgi pours her heart out into every line. She remembers how she felt when she was writing it, she remembers exactly how Joohyun looked at her when she first sang it in the quiet darkness of Joohyun’s apartment. Then and there, as the song fades out, Seulgi makes up her mind.

_I want her back too._

The girls seem to catch onto her happiness, and suddenly the four girls are more playful than ever on stage. At the back of her mind, Seulgi still wishes Joohyun was here to witness this, to witness them having fun and doing what they love. But now, Seulgi’s not worried. If Joohyun isn’t here tonight, then she’ll just need to work harder to make that come true in the near future. 

When the concert ends and they finally step off stage, the crowd still cheering behind them, there’s a genuine smile on Seulgi’s face. She thanks every crew member she passes, even hugs Jinsol and Jungeun to their utter shock. After what feels like an eternity of photos, laughs and tears, with their back-up dancers, with fellow idols who came to watch, and other friends, they finally take one last photo of the four of them and make their way to their dressing room.

Sooyoung skips ahead, ready to get the make-up off and change into more comfortable clothes, while the other girls still trail behind, talking about their favorite moments from the concert. Then, Sooyoung stops abruptly as soon as she turns the corner to their dressing room and suddenly starts sprinting down the hall with a shout of, “UNNIE!!!” 

At first, they pay no mind to it, Sooyoung has a ton of friends after all, but then Sooyoung lifts up her ‘unnie’ in question and a high-pitched squeal echoes throughout the hallway. “YAH! PARK SOOYOUNG, LET GO OF ME!” 

The remaining three stop in their tracks, and a glance is exchanged between them before Yerim shouts at the top of her lungs, “JOOHYUN UNNIE!!” all tiredness is wiped away as she runs and crashes herself into the two girls. 

“UNNIE!! UNNIE!!” Seungwan calls out, grabbing Seulgi by the wrist. 

“You’re all so sweaty!!” Joohyun groans.

“We don’t care!” Seungwan laughs, enjoying how much Joohyun squirms in their arms.

They’re all enveloped in a hug, and Seulgi can feel her heart thumping in her chest. A loud boom against her ribs. Joohyun looks up at Seulgi with a smile on her face and Seulgi wants to keep that etched into her mind forever, “Come on, get in here.” 

It’s only when she’s in Joohyun’s arms does Seulgi realize how silent the hallway has become. Somewhere, she can hear a water bottle drop. Probably from one of their backup dancers. Then, a squeal erupts and Seulgi is pretty sure it’s from Jinsol, Jungeun and the rest of their massive team. (Seulgi admits she still has yet to memorize all their names.) 

They all pull away except Yerim who continues to hold Joohyun tight, “I can’t believe you’re really here. Finally. Finally.”

“I’m sorry it took so long.” Joohyun smiles at each of them, her eyes glossy with unshed tears, “I missed you guys so much.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you all on Friday for Chapter 4! Let me know what you think in the comments :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Outro: distinct closing section at the end of something**

**Love Me Now**

_Your breathing sound is lingering everywhere near me_

_This night is filled with the echoes that coming back_

_I’m crying out your name_

_At this moment_

  
  


_I want you to love me now._

  
  
  


“I can’t believe we missed it!” Sooyoung says, flashing her phone in the darkness of their van. “Look, look!” 

“I wanna see!” Yerim says, grabbing the phone out of Sooyoung’s hands. 

“Me too, me too!” Seungwan says, kneeling on her chair to get a better look of the phone.

Seulgi rolls her eyes but patiently waits for her turn. When it finally greets her, she’s greeted by a post by **jendukie** almost 3 years ago. Joohyun is the center, and around her are Jennie, Rosé, Lisa and another girl that Seulgi has yet to meet. The caption simply reads: **Here’s to day 1 of following our dreams.**

“That’s why Rosé looked so familiar! It’s such a small world.” 

“It’s meant to be!”

“Yerim-ah.” 

“What? I’m just saying. If we didn’t send her the tickets, she still would have wound up going anyway because of BP.” Yerim says with a roll of her eyes, ignoring Seungwan’s warning tone. “The universe has brought our Joohyunnie back to us!” 

“Wan, don’t worry about it.” Seulgi says, knowing her best friend is just trying to look out for her. “Yerim’s right anyway.” 

“See.” Yerim sticking her tongue out at Seungwan.

Seulgi sighs and looks out at the quickly passing Seoul lights. As soon as they released Joohyun from their group hug, their managers ushered them all into the dressing room, rushing them to freshen up and get changed because they’re throwing a surprise party for everyone involved. That means their dancers, choreographers, tech crew and of course, their video crew. 

“I know it didn’t turn out how we expected, but isn’t this what we wanted?” Sooyoung says, proud that their plan sort of worked. 

_I want her back too._

But what does that _really_ mean? Seulgi knows without a doubt that she is still in love with Joohyun. But does Joohyun even feel the same way? What if she didn’t? What is the point of wanting someone if the other person doesn’t want you back? How does she make the first move? How do they go from not seeing each other for years to going back to how they were? God, it feels impossible at this point. 

Seulgi is so absorbed in her thoughts she doesn’t even realize they’ve reached the venue, closed out for their massive party, and she doesn’t even notice when the maknaes quickly disappear from her side as soon as they spot Joohyun in the crowd. When she finally realizes it, however, Seulgi swears she isn’t jealous at how Joy easily manages to put an arm around Joohyun’s shoulders, or how Yeri swoops in to get a head pat from the older woman, beaming at the attention. 

“Earth to Seulgi. Are you okay? We can go home, say you're really tired if it’s too much.” 

Seulgi shakes her head, “Thanks, Wan. But I’m fine, really. I guess I’m still in a state of shock.” 

“Well, it’s safe to say that you’re not the only one.” Seungwan gestures to the designated table of BP Studios, where the younger girls, particularly Jinsol and Jungeun watch with wide eyes as their boss is being pulled into another crushing hug by Red Velvet’s Joy. 

“I just need to get my head on right. Create a game plan. Make the right moves. You know?” 

“Moves?” 

Seulgi shrugs, “To make sure she stays.”

Seungwan hums in response. “I’m really glad she’s here though.”

“Yeah, me too. Me too.” The two girls watch as Joohyun playfully hits Yerim on the shoulder and the younger girl pulls Joohyun into a headlock. Just like old times. Seulgi turns to her best friend and even then, she can see how much Seungwan continues to look out for her, not wanting to leave her alone but obviously wanting to approach Joohyun. “Hey, Wan?” 

“Yeah, Seul?” 

“Thanks for always looking out for me. And for Joohyun.” 

“Well, of course, idiot. I love you. Not like that. But, you get me. And I love Joohyun unnie too, if that wasn’t clear. Now, let’s stop being cheesy, there’s already been too much of that tonight.” 

_“How’d it go?” Seungwan asks, her voice full of concern as she watches Seulgi throw her dusty black cap on the floor. Seulgi takes her place beside her best friend, removes her sunglasses to reveal her eyes that are obviously puffy from crying, but she says nothing, and stares at the TV that’s playing some American drama._

_Seulgi appreciates how Seungwan gives her time, lets her process but is still there, patiently waiting until she’s ready. Eventually, Seulgi says, “We’re on the same page.”_

_“Oh.”_

_Seulgi nods, “Yeah. It’s over.” and the tears begin to fall once more. Seulgi sobs so hard she feels like her heart is trying to escape from her chest and run back to Joohyun. Seungwan holds her close, rubbing her back, and telling Seulgi she made the right decision. “It’s what’s best for the both of you.”_

_“Is it? What if I made a mistake? What if we did? What if-”_

_“What if you made the right decision?” Seungwan interrupts. “What if this is what you both needed?”_

_“I just- it hurts so much Wannie. I love her so much but I can’t- I’m not enough. I keep leaving her behind, I keep hurting her, putting her second to everything else in my life- and I know she deserves better but- I don’t know what to do-”_

_“Shh. It’s okay, Seul. One day at a time. We’ll figure it out one day at a time.”_

_To say Seulgi was grateful for Seungwan was a complete understatement. Aside from Joohyun, Seulgi could tell Seungwan anything - even when it came to her dilemma of whether to stay with Joohyun and hurt her more in the long run, or to break up with the older woman now in order to prevent further heartache. Seungwan is always ready to help - that’s just who she is. So if it was to help Seulgi heal and to ease her mind and to make sure Joohyun was okay, then of course Seungwan would agree. That’s why, unbeknownst to the other two members, Seungwan was the last person to see Joohyun in person._

_Seungwan sits on Seulgi’s bed with a sigh. “She’s okay, Jennie is staying in her place this weekend, and possibly for the next week just to make sure she’s taking care of herself. She hasn’t eaten at all since you left but Jennie said she’ll make sure she eats the soup I brought over… And uh… Jennie said it would be best if I didn’t drop by anymore. She’s grateful we checked up on her but if I do this again… it might not help Joohyun unnie.”_

_Seulgi nods, “Okay. Jennie’s right. At least she’s okay and in good hands. How’d she look?”_

_“Pretty much like you.” Seungwan says, taking in the dark circles under Seulgi’s eyes and the disheveled hair. “But you know, prettier. Cause it’s unnie.”_

_Seulgi snorts, and playfully shoves the smaller girl off the bed. Seungwan’s eyes grow wide as her butt hits the floor but Seulgi then quickly pulls her into a hug, “Thank you so much.”_

_"Of course, anything for the both of you."_

Out of the members, Seungwan was always careful, careful not to bring up Joohyun in random conversations, and careful to not be too obvious to show that she missed her. But Seulgi knew the truth. Joohyun knew how to adjust to each of them, and that meant to Seungwan too. She was the one that pointed out how underneath all of Seungwan’s on-cam hyperactivity was a mind just as loud with many worries. Joohyun would stay up with Seulgi when Seungwan had a problem, and when Seulgi ran out of words, Joohyun would softly give her opinion. Seungwan cared for Joohyun, but she cared for Seulgi even more so here she was, standing beside her leader even though Seulgi could see how much she was looking at their maknaes with envy.

“Go talk to Joohyun unnie.” Seulgi says, nudging Seungwan. 

“Will you be okay?” 

“Of course I will. I’m still figuring it out.” 

Seungwan rolls her eyes, “Right right, game plan, the right moves or whatever. But, you idiot, you should literally just talk to her too. Okay?” 

“You’ve called me an idiot twice in a span of three minutes.” 

“That’s because the love of your life is right there and you’re letting all of us talk to her first.”

“Well, you know what Yerim would say if I just swoop in.” 

“Save some unnie for the rest of us!” Seungwan finishes with a smirk.

_“Joohyun unnie, welcome!” Sooyoung beams as she lets the older woman into the dorm._

_“Unnie!!” Yerim hugs their guest and drags her into the living room. “Listen to this, I wrote it with Sooyoung unnie the other day!”_

_“Joohyunnie! Want to try these cookies I just baked? I need your opinion. It’s missing something but I just don’t know what.”_

_“Hello? I believe my girlfriend came here for me?” Seulgi says, appearing from the hallway and making her way to the rest of the group._

_“Hi.” Joohyun smiles._

_“Hi to you too.” Seulgi replies, giving Joohyun a light peck on the cheek. Seulgi observes how the smile on Joohyun's face grows bigger, and how a blush of pink spreads from her neck to her cheeks. She tucks a strand of hair behind Joohyun’s ear, and places another kiss on the top of her head, her girlfriend leaning in to Seulgi’s touch._

_“Excuse me, hi, hello, we’re here too.” Yerim interrupts._

_Sooyoung gestures at the couple, “See, this is why we have to get to unnie before you! Once you’re here, we’re doomed! She’ll only mind you!”_

_“Yeah, save some unnie for the rest of us!”_

_“She’s_ **_my_ ** _girlfriend!”_

_“Yeah, well, she’s my friend!”_

_“Mine too!”_

_Seungwan laughs and joins in, “Yeah, she’s my friend too!”_

_“So, sorry, Seulgi unnie, you’re outnumbered.” Yerim replies, as she crosses her arms with a victorious look on her face._

“Also, I can’t mess this up. And besides, Eunji is talking to Joohyun now too, so now’s your chance to get her number, you idiot.” Seulgi smirks as a blush begins to form on Seungwan’s face. 

As Seulgi watches Seungwan join the expanding group of Joohyun, Yerim, Sooyoung and Eunji, there’s a small tap on her shoulder. “Hello, Seulgi-ssi. Congrats on an amazing performance, as usual.” 

“Rosé, I told you to call me Seulgi already. Jinsol already calls us unnie.” Seulgi offers them to sit by their table. “And thank you. I can’t wait to see what you guys come up with.” 

“It’s gonna be a piece of cake.” Lisa says. “But really, we came here because we wanted to talk.” 

“Go ahead, I’m all ears.” 

“It’s about Joohyunnie.” 

Seulgi tries her best to keep calm and remain neutral but with the way Rosé’s lips quirk up and how Lisa sniggers, it’s obvious she’s not doing a great job at it. “So, uh, I guess you know, huh?”

“Yup.” 

“Even when we were working together? You knew?” 

“Oh yeah. For sure.” Lisa answers

“But that’s not important right now.” Rosé says, and bends her head down, her voice dropping to a whisper and handing Seulgi a piece of paper. “ **_This_ ** is what’s important.” 

“I - what - this is a business card.” 

“It’s Joohyun’s business card. I put her personal number too. She doesn’t usually check her work phone on the weekends and her personal number is dead during working hours cause she’s efficient like that.” 

“And if you look at the back of the business card, there’s a list of Joohyun’s current favorite things. Current favorite restaurant, favorite overtime snack, the song she plays when she’s extra stressed. Oh wait. Sorry. I didn’t have enough space.” Lisa says, as she reaches into her back pocket handing Seulgi even more business cards, “Uh, here. These are our cards, not like you need our details or anything. But yeah, everything we could think of about Joohyunnie is on the back. To catch you up.”

“Uh… not like I’m not grateful for these and all… but… why?” 

Rosé winks, “Why do you think? We’re obviously rooting for you.” 

“We don’t know what Joohyun unnie is thinking right now. But we felt you should at least have some ammo when you finally build up the guts to talk to her.” 

“I’m planning!”

“Well, hurry up, Seulgi! The night isn’t going to go on forever.” the director says, patting Seulgi on the back before they stand up and disappear into the crowd. 

Seulgi continues to watch the people around her, and honestly, she’s happy. She’s happy as her members join her at their table, mentioning how Joohyun has to talk to her team for now and sent them back, but the joy radiating off of them is infectious. She’s happy as their backup dancers approach them, already tipsy before the party’s officially even started, taking selfies and already excited for their next stops. She looks around the room and she spots BP Studios, Joohyun laughing with her head back at something Jennie or the younger ones have said. Seulgi thinks that if she could, she’d like to bottle up this moment. This moment where everyone is light and happy and Seulgi can just watch everything unfold. A moment where everything is okay, and sure, it’s not perfect, (since she's not with Joohyun) but there’s nothing to ruin it.

“Seulgi unnie?” 

“What is she staring at?” 

“Oh. She’s staring at Joohyun unnie.” 

“Seulgi unnie?” Yerim tries again poking their leader. When that doesn't work, Yerim takes a more drastic route.

“OW!” Seulgi yelps, rubbing her arm. 

“You weren’t minding me!” Yerim defends. 

Sooyoung crosses her arms, “You know, you can just talk to her.”

“I will, I will.” 

“Yeah, Seulgi’s making a 'game planl.” Seungwan snorts, air quotes and all.

“Say hi! Start a conversation! Say, unnie, wow, you still look so elegant and pretty! Just go, you wimp!”

“Sooyoung-ah.” 

“Please. You are the least scary one here. Just go already, the awkward air is killing me.” Sooyoung groans. 

Yerim gives Seulgi a two thumbs up. “Don’t be nervous, unnie! You got this!” 

“I’m not nervous!” 

“Yeah, that’s our Seul!” 

“I am going to go up, say hi, have a decent conversation and win her back!” 

“YEAH UNNIE!” 

“I can do this!” Seulgi slams the table with her fist. “I am ready-” 

“Seul, great! I was gonna ask for a volunteer but since you said you’re ready, why don’t you start us off with a speech? Just to thank everyone and look forward to the rest of the tour and all.” their manager says, a hand on Seulgi’s shoulder. 

“Uh-” 

“Great! You’re up!” their manager pulls Seulgi to her feet and easily slips a glass of champagne into her hand.

“But-” Seulgi tries but their manager is already on the way to ask the restaurant to cut the music. 

“Wan? Yerm? Soo?” Seulgi calls out for help but her members pretend they don’t hear her, busy sipping on wine, checking their phone or eating the bread on the table. “Ugh, fine.” 

* * *

From her spot in the restaurant, Joohyun smiles to herself as she watches the antics of her four favorite girls, (her BP girls are a close second she swears). She tries not to laugh as she watches the look on Seulgi’s face when the manager comes up and slips a champagne glass into her hand, pulling her up for a speech. Seulgi looks confused and flustered, and Joohyun thinks it’s absolutely adorable. 

Years ago, when their breakup was still fresh, Joohyun would find herself wondering what would happen if she ran into Seulgi again. Would they run into each other’s arms and apologize? Would Seulgi take her back? Or would Seulgi look at her with indifference? Would Seulgi even look at her at all? Then, months passed, then a year, and Joohyun realized that with her luck, she’d never see Seulgi again. (And she couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad thing)

But now, there was no point in wondering. When Joohyun finally saw her again after all these years, Seulgi looked shocked, but it easily shifted into a look of awe and the brightness in her eyes reminded Joohyun of the night she met Seulgi. 

“I love it when my best friend is happy.” Jennie says, effectively snapping Joohyun out from her thoughts. “But really, How are you doing?” 

“Good. Really. I missed them so much.” Joohyun turns to her best friend. “Also, please tell Jisoo I owe her one big time. I’ll buy her that bag she keeps talking about! Or even dogsit for you guys!” 

“Wow, that desperate huh? How are you going to dogsit Dalgom when you can’t even be in the same room as him?” Jennie snorts, “But Jisoo said as long as you mention how she fought for you so you could go on an earlier flight and reunite with Seulgi during your wedding speech, she’s fine.” 

Joohyun practically chokes on her drink. “Wedding??” 

“Well, isn’t the plan to get back together?” 

“Uh…” 

“Isn’t that what you wanted?” 

“We broke up for a reason.” Joohyun mumbles, but she knows Jennie can hear her. 

Jennie rolls her eyes, “Bae Joohyun you’re lucky the children are here and I can’t fight you because somehow you’re tiny but strong. But Joohyun, please, I know what you want. Hell, Rosé, Lisa and Jisoo know what you want. At this point, the children don’t know yet, but they’ll figure it out too! Everyone knows what you want.” 

“We broke up for a reason.” Joohyun repeats. 

“But you want to be with Seulgi again, right?”

“It’s not about want. It’s not as easy as that.”

_“I want to give you the world. I want to show you off, to mention your name in interviews. I want to be there when you’re having a shitty day. I want to crawl into your bed when I’m having a shitty day. I want to surprise you, I want to meet your family. I want to be the girlfriend you deserve. But right now, I can’t.”_

_Joohyun nods, wiping the tears away from Seulgi’s face. “I just want you to be happy, Seulgi-ya. I don’t want you to have to constantly worry about me. I love you, more than anything. But this relationship... it’s bringing you down. You already have so many things to face, so many pressures from all sides. Your company, your members, your family, your fans. I don’t want to add to that. I want to be with you. You know that. But... I also want you to be free. I can’t keep tying you down.”_

_“I love you.”_

_“I love you too. That’s why this is the best thing to do.”_

_“I know, I know.”_

“You’re so stubborn, but am I surprised? No. But damn it, Joohyun. You were the one who told me we have to work for the things we want right? Granted, it was about the business but my point stands. You were the one that said that we all have to do our part. You reached out, you gave them time, then they reached out when they were ready.” Jennie reaches for both of Joohyun’s hands, forcing her best friend to look at her. “Joohyun, I know you can be blind but please, the whole dang universe aligned for you to get this chance. Why can’t you see how lucky you are? You just need to keep going. What’s that you told me? What’s that line you tell every single one of them on their first day with us?”

“It’s not about want. It’s about work.” 

“Exactly.”

“I don’t want to lose them again.” Joohyun admits. “If I leave it at this, then we’ll be okay. If I hold her at a distance… remain friends and nothing else... then we'll be okay. I don't want to lose her again.” 

“You won’t. Don’t you see? They want to be in your life just as much as you want to be in theirs.” 

_“I have news. Multiple.” Jennie says, as she leans on the doorway of Joohyun’s editing studio._

_“Isn’t it usually good news and bad news then you make me pick?” Joohyun asks, her eyes still glued to the computer._

_“Well, it can go either way. Also, you’re gonna want to pay attention so, focus.” Jennie taps Joohyun’s desk until the director looks up. “Okay, so first, we won Sakura.”_

_“We did?! That’s great!!”_

_Jennie smirks, “Honestly, she’s such a fan of you and your work that I didn’t even doubt it for a second. So, you or Lisa will need to be in Japan for this, two months tops but of course a couple of trips between then and now. Jisoo’s already volunteered to be lead producer.”_

_“Done. I’ll do it.”_

_“Wait, don’t decide just yet. There’s more. Soooooo… remember a couple of months ago, I asked for your concert, live event and MV reel?”_

_“You mean the one you asked for at 4PM that had to be sent over first thing the next morning so Hyejoo, on her first week of work, had to stay overtime with me? That reel?”_

_Jennie winces, “Yes, that one. So… I take it you remember, huh? Anyway, we got that one too.”_

_“Great!” Joohyun’s eyes narrow. “I have no idea where the bad news is in all of this.”_

_“It’s around the same time as Sakura.”_

_“That’s fine. We have more than enough people to handle that and other ongoing projects too.”_

_“Well, you’ll really need to think long and hard about who’s working on what.”_

_“Why? Who’s the client?” Jennie doesn’t answer, suddenly taking interest in her nails. “Jen? Just tell me.”_

_“Red Velvet. For their next concert.”_

_“Rosé and Lisa will handle it.” Joohyun answers without missing a beat._

_“But-”_

_“This isn’t the first time I’ve thought about this. As soon as we started building our idol clientele, I figured it would happen sooner or later. But, I don’t want to abuse the position I have and force them to meet me. Rosé and Lisa can take the lead.”_

_“But Joohyun, it’s been so long. They miss you, Sooyoung and Yerim think they’re slick but I see their fake instas liking my posts all the time. I think even Seungwan has a fake insta now that I think about it.”_

_“Yes, I miss all of them. But I don’t want to pressure them. And me working with them all of the sudden might just place a huge weight on their shoulders because they’ll need to think about giving their all for their work and think about me and how to handle our relationship. That’s not fair to them.”_

_“I hate when you use logic.” Jennie grumbles. “I just want you to be happy again.”_

_“Jen, I am happy. Look at what we built. We’ve got a solid team, a growing client base-”_

_“You know that’s not what I mean.”_

_Joohyun sighs, “I know. But I should be allowed to be happy over those things right? You know I’ve reached out in my own ways, but what if they’re the ones that aren’t ready? I don’t want to pressure them. They’ll reach out on their own time. I just have to be patient.”_

_Working with Sakura goes a lot smoother than Joohyun expected, the young idol likes all of Joohyun’s ideas, and because it’s her first visual album, she’s ready and willing to try everything. It’s more work, and it’s extremely tiring, but partnering with someone who’s just as passionate about their work as she is always keeps Joohyun energized._

_Joohyun knows she let Rose and Lisa handle Red Velvet, but she can’t help but be involved. It’s not like they mind anyway, their team already used to others giving their input on their work, and the two already very aware of her past with Seulgi._

_“Eunji did a great job.” Joohyun comments, as she goes through the concert VCR._

_“Well, your storyboard helped us a lot.” Lisa answers._

_“How were they?”_

_“During the shoot? Professional. Playful. Just like how you described.” Joohyun is glad they’re not on video call cause she can already imagine the smug look on Rose’s face._

_“Thank you for taking care of them.”_

_“Of course, Joohyun unnie! Oh, wait, Jennie’s here she wants to talk to you too. Turn on your video.”_

_“Joohyun, my favorite director in all of the world~” Jennie singsongs as her face appears on Joohyun’s screen._

_“What do you want, Jennie Kim?”_

_“You’re so cranky.”_

_“And you’re in such a good mood it’s suspicious.”_

_“Soooooo, you know our other client right? The one you didn’t want to work on?”_

_“God you’re so lucky I’m not there to kick you under the table.” Joohyun grumbles, already massaging her temples._

_“Anywaaaaaay, like you asked, I had all your mail and deliveries temporarily routed to the office. And, look at this!” Jennie flips the screen to show her dark, on it, were two tickets with the words ‘Red Velvet Red Mare’, soundcheck tickets, backstage passes and a separate envelope._

_“Is it-”_

_“Yeah. Like you said, at their own time right?”_

_“What’s in the envelope?”_

_“Oh, there’s a picture. Okay, this is from Yerim I’m sure. They drew a mustache on Seulgi and Seungwan and there are angel wings on her and devil horns on Sooyoung.” Joohyun finds herself smiling as Jennie shows her the picture, her finger pointing at the different details._

_“I guess it’s from Sooyoung too, then! On the back it says, Joohyun unnie, followed by many exclamation marks, Guess whose brilliant idea it was to send you these tickets? None other than I, Park Sooyoung. Fine, Yerim says it was our idea. Then in parentheses, it’s really mine. I just want to say thank you for all your support, don’t worry, we know you’re still supporting us in any way you can. Thanks for the flowers, by the way. I hope you can see us perform. You’re gonna love it. Miss you. Love you. We all do.”_

_The call cuts out after that, and Joohyun knows it’s not their internet connection. Jennie may tease her to no end, but Jennie has also been there through it all. So, as soon as she sees the tears in Joohyun’s eyes, she ends the call, giving her friend a moment to cry on her own. When Joohyun’s ready, she’ll call her back._

Joohyun is grateful that their little heart to heart in the middle of the celebration wasn’t picked up by anyone around them. Her team is enamored as Seulgi speaks, thanking everyone for all their hard work, and they laugh when Sooyoung decides to join in because Seulgi is ‘no-jam’. 

  
After their speech, everyone enjoys the food and the company, and Joohyun also realizes how long it’s been since she’s been with her team like this. Joohyun is proud of all of them. She's proud of herself, of Jennie, Rose, Lisa and Jisoo for building something so good together. She’s proud of her team, of each of the girls they hire. (Jinsol let it slip that Jungeun is waiting for her critique, but Joohyun is sure she’s proud of the young videographer too.) But Jennie is right. She’s happy with them, but not in the same way she was before. Honestly, a part of Joohyun isn’t sure if she deserves to be _that_ happy again. And maybe that’s why she works hard and does her best with BP, because this is a happiness she can control, a happiness that doesn’t hinge on whether someone will stay or not. (That doesn’t hinge on whether someone will love her back or not.)

“Everyone has a day off tomorrow, okay?” Joohyun says as the night begins to wind down, their stomachs full of food and dessert, and honestly a lot of alcohol, causing their whole table to go crazy. “You all worked hard the past couple of weeks, and you deserve to rest.” 

One of the kids, Joohyun suspects it’s Jiwoo, starts chanting, “Irene! Irene! Irene! Irene!” and for some reason, the other tables join in and Joohyun is ready for the ground to eat her up. 

“Jennie, please stop them.” Joohyun says as she hides her face in her hands. 

But of course, Jennie is just as loud. 

Suddenly, the cheering stops and as Joohyun takes a peek from behind her hands, she can see the whole table staring at her. “What?” 

“So, why is it Irene now?” 

Joohyun whips around and Seulgi is there, her cheeks red, but most probably from alcohol than anything else. “Are you drunk?” 

“No, no, I promise I’m not.” Seulgi says with a cheeky smile, “Do you want to get a drink?” 

“Sure.” Seulgi offers her hand and Joohyun gives a warning look at the rest of the girls on her table to not squeal. 

They walk together in silence, their surroundings too loud for conversation anyway, but Joohyun can’t help but smile at the familiarity of it all. How it feels like all their walks together, under the yellow umbrella, under the night sky, hidden from everyone else. Except now, there are at least thirty people around them, some probably watching them at this very moment. 

“You didn’t answer my question.” 

“Just a work thing. In my old job, I had to work with some foreigners so I chose Irene. Easier to say.” 

Seulgi smiles, handing Joohyun a glass of white wine. “I like it. It suits you. Elegant. Pretty.” 

Joohyun raises an eyebrow, “Are you sure you’re not drunk?” 

“Not drunk. I just rehearsed this in my head over a hundred times before coming over.” 

“That’s more like the Seulgi I know.” 

She doesn’t know where Seulgi is leading her, but she follows anyway. Seulgi ends up grabbing a whole bottle of wine as they sit down in one of the tables at the edge of the venue, able to see everyone but mostly hidden from their view.

Seulgi is swirling the contents of her glass, watching as it swishes away, and Joohyun knows it’s times like these where she has to be patient. The younger girl takes a sip of her wine, and takes a deep breath, forcing a smile. “Unnie, you have no idea how much I missed you.” 

“I’m pretty sure I’ve missed you the same amount, if not more.”

“Uhm… is it okay… if I… uhm… Can I hug you? Cause Sooyoung and the others have already and I had to keep doing these dumb group hugs-OOF”

Joohyun hugs Seulgi as tight as she can, and her clothes smell like Joohyun’s old favorite fabric softener and the citrus notes of Seulgi’s perfume is still prominent, despite the late night. When they pull away, Seulgi smiles and Joohyun can feel her heart soaring like it did all those years ago. That smile and all the warmth that comes with it. The warmth she’s seen on stage so many times, finally directed at her once again. 

The first night they met, they clicked instantly. Joohyun was comfortable with Seulgi as they ate ramyun and kimchi, as they talked about Seulgi’s dreams to be a singer and Joohyun’s late work nights. And tonight, they talk about different things. How they’ve both reached their dreams. How Joohyun still has late work nights but they’re more tolerable because of the people around her. It’s different, but the comfort that they felt all those years ago still remains. 

“You know the person that made all this possible? You know her. You’re actually good friends with her.” 

“Really? Who?” 

“Chung Ha.” Joohyun smiles at the memory. “I met her once during a company holiday party, the one where my boss enjoys schmoozing with different agencies and she was there with her company, basically showing her off to try and find a partner studio. We were both bored as hell, and she thought I was like her, an idol from a small company.” 

“See! I told you, you could pass as one!” 

Joohyun rolls her eyes and fights the smile on her lips as she ignores Seulgi's comment, “But we hit it off, and she wanted to work with me. She thought my boss was a creep though and I don’t know, she was willing to offer me one project and see how it goes. So I quit that week, we shot content for her fans and next thing I knew, Jennie and I were signing contracts to do her MVs.”

“You did well, Joohyunnie.” 

“It’s because of you, you know?” 

“What is?” 

“That I’m doing so well now. I saw you grow, I saw you struggle, I saw you turn into the successful idol you are today. It’s because of you that I understand how you all have a story. That you’re all artists, but sometimes, your voice isn’t fully heard. You’re not the mindless robots some people think you are. So, I do better because of you. To capture who you are as people and who you are as artists.” 

Seulgi beams, “Now, I’m really really glad we got to work with you.” 

Seulgi catches Joohyun up on everything she’s missed and Joohyun isn’t sure how to feel. She’s surprised because it all feels so normal. It feels like she’s missed a month instead of four years of their lives. Seulgi tells Joohyun about Seungwan’s latest recipe, and how they now have a dog in the dorm thanks to Sooyoung’s incessant begging. She tells Joohyun how Yerim was terrified of the small maltese at first but eventually, those two have warmed up to each other and Joohyun doesn’t miss how Seulgi says, “You’ll get used to Haetnimee too.” She talks about how Sooyoung has her own personal studio now where she works, how Seungwan is practicing the piano and how she and Yerim are trying to work on new songs. 

They talk for so long that the pair hasn’t realized that almost everyone has left. The rest of Red Velvet is still there of course, sharing a table and dancing to the music with some backup dancers, and even Joohyun’s friends. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be there tonight.” 

“You showed up just in time. What matters is you’re here now. And, I’m sorry too.” Joohyun tilts her head to urge Seulgi to continue. “I’m sorry that it had to be our maknaes that had to approach you and send the invite. It’s not that I didn’t want to see you. In fact, it was the complete opposite. I wanted to see you all the time. I just didn’t know if I was allowed to. I didn’t know if you want to see me.” 

“And now?” 

“And now I’d like to see you more often, if that’s possible.” 

Jennie’s words echo in Joohyun’s mind. _“Isn’t this what you wanted?”_

Joohyun wants them back in her life. That she's sure of. She’s wanted it ever since they left. She wanted it even more ever since they sent her that invite. But did she want to get together with Seulgi? 

_Everyone knows what you want._

_We broke up for a reason._

She knows she wants to be Seulgi’s friend again, at the very least. Because Seulgi has a presence you can't just erase in your life. But now, looking at Seulgi, being with her and talking to her just like old times, her heart both soaring and shaking just being around the younger woman, Joohyun can’t help but want more. 

But was that fair? 

They broke up for a reason. Their lives are too different, Seulgi in the spotlight, Joohyun on the sidelines, they’re busy, they have separate lives.

But, they’re older. Wiser. With more control.

But.

They broke up for a reason.

They didn’t have enough time for each other then. 

But they had more than enough love. 

_Had._

Did they still have it?

Were they still in love? 

If they were, would it be enough now? 

“Unnie?” Seulgi looks at Joohyun with so much hope in her eyes that Joohyun has to stop herself from kissing Seulgi on the spot. She's so beautiful, and so kind, and Joohyun has no idea what to do if she has to break Seulgi's heart all over again. Her palms begin to sweat and her throat feels dry as Seulgi reaches for her hand.

“Yes, Seulgi?”

“Joohyun… do you think it’s possible for you to love me again?” 

Joohyun’s mind is racing, going back and forth. One side shouting how much she still loves Seulgi. But there's one that's just as loud and more persistent: _We broke up for a reason._

“I-” 

“YAH! YOU TWO! THEY’RE CLOSING UP, LET’S GO!” Seungwan shouts and the two down the rest of their drinks, ignoring the way their faces are heating up. 

“I’m going to kill her.” Seulgi grumbles, then turns to Joohyun while flashing her signature smile, her cheeks extra squishable, and her eyes turning into those beautiful crescents that Joohyun loves. “It’s okay, you can answer me next time. I just want you to know, I’m willing to wait.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I lied. This will be 5 parts. Hehe, let me know what you think in the comments! Or talk to me on twt @iccampfire


	5. bonus track

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be like 2,000 words max and it has spiraled into 9,000 so... enjoy!!

**Make Your Day**

_ One day,  _

_ the next day,  _

_ and the next day that continues after that  _

_ I still can’t believe that in my every moment _

_ I can be with you _

Jennie Kim would like to think she knows a thing or two about love. She is married, after all, and has seen so many of her friends get into relationships, (Rosé and Lisa couldn’t even speak to each other the first few times they all got together), fall out of them (Rosé and Lisa sadly realized they were better off as work partners not dating type of partners), and she has seen so many love stories unfold but no love story really compares to Joohyun and Seulgi. 

She has never seen a pair of people love each other so much, support each other so much, want to be with each other so much and still not be together.

And it’s honestly so so fucking frustrating. 

Jennie sits beside Joohyun, waiting for the rest of the team before their weekly alignment begins. “What did you tell her?” 

“I wasn’t able to say anything! You guys interrupted!” 

“How were we supposed to know?! You were just staring into each other’s eyes! And in my defense, the restaurant was really about to close.” 

“But-”

“But what?” 

“No, nothing. It’s not important.” 

“Bae Joohyun, if this is about your relationship with Kang Seulgi then let me tell you, it will always be important!” Jennie says, grabbing her best friend by the shoulders and literally shaking some sense into her.

“I swear, why did Jisoo marry you.” Joohyun groans as she pushes Jennie away.

“Don’t try to change the subject!” 

“She said she’d wait, okay? And I don’t deserve that.” 

“I’m going to smack you on the back of your head. What are you talking about you don’t deserve that? OF COURSE YOU DO! YOU DESERVE THE BEST, JOOHYUN! And guess who the best is? Ding dong, it’s Kang Seulgi!” 

“But we-” 

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence. Yes, you broke up for a reason. Are those reasons still valid? Maybe, maybe not. Did you even talk to her about it? Maybe you can work it out! You want her, she obviously wants you too. Just, for the love of god,  _ talk to her _ , Joohyun.” 

“Wow, since when did you get so cranky?” 

“I learned from the best.” Jennie replies, “But please, I’m serious. Give this a chance. If you don’t, I’m gonna leave Dalgom in your office when you least suspect it.” 

Joohyun gasps, “You’re evil.” 

“One day, you’re gonna thank me.” 

“I’m already grateful for everything you’ve done. You know that right?” 

“No, you can’t be the sweet one when I’m putting my foot down!” But Joohyun pouts and makes her eyes wide and like all mortals, Jennie crumbles. “Ugh, fine, come here get this hug.” 

* * *

“You know that they might not get back together right?” 

“I know.” 

“Kim Yerim. Do you  _ really _ ?” 

Yerim takes a deep breath. She really doesn’t want to argue right now but the way Seungwan is questioning her is starting to piss her off. She’s not dumb. She knows why Seulgi and Joohyun broke up. She knows they had valid reasons then, and those reasons are still most probably valid until today. But she also knows that they still love each other. And so, yes, Yerim knows there is a really big chance they won’t get back together. But that doesn’t mean Yerim isn’t hopeful. 

“Unnie, I promise. I know that. I miss Joohyun unnie. I want her in my life. If Seulgi unnie is uncomfortable with it, then we’re old enough to talk about it. But until then, I’m gonna enjoy having Joohyun unnie around.”

“I’m just looking out for you, okay? I don’t want you to get heartbroken again.” Seungwan says, and Yerim can hear the fear in her voice too. 

“What are you two talking about?” Sooyoung asks, peeking her head into Yerim’s room. 

“Seungwannie is just being dramatic.” 

Sooyoung tilts her head in confusion but Yerim shakes her head, signalling that they’ll talk about it later (she and Sooyoung have always been on the same wavelength), and just as easily, she drops the topic. “Anyway, Joohyun unnie is here already.” 

They file out of her room and into the hallway when they hear the distinct laughter of Joohyun. Together, the three take a peak and Yerim sighs, honestly, how can she not have a sliver of hope when her unnies act like  _ that _ ? 

“How can you still not know how to cook sujebi??” 

“I know how! It’s just not as good as yours.” Seulgi whines. “Please?” 

“Fine,” Joohyun rolls her eyes but begins rolling up her sleeves as well. The three girls watch as the former couple works in tandem, Seulgi cutting everything, as Joohyun makes the broth and kneads the dough. While they work, they talk. Joohyun asks how practice has been coming along, when they leave for the Japan leg of their tour and if they’ve all been able to get enough rest despite the hectic schedule. Seulgi beams every time she gets a compliment and when Joohyun starts ranting about a client that refuses to pay, slowly turning from annoyance to true anger, she gently puts flour on Joohyun’s cheeks to distract her and stop it. 

“Yah! Kang Seulgi!” 

Seulgi manages to dodge the incoming slap and the three try to hold in their laughter as the designated chefs scream in horror as Joohyun almost drops the entire bowl of broth onto the floor. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! Don’t kill me!” Seulgi says with her hands up as Joohyun looks ready to throw the entire batch of dough at her.

Yerim looks at her unnies and the smile on Seungwan’s face is so big that she nudges her and says, “Who’s getting her hopes up now?” 

“Shut up.” Seungwan whispers back, slapping Yerim’s arm, causing the younger girl to (out of habit) dramatically groan in pain.

“Are you guys there?” Joohyun calls out and feeling there was no point in hiding anymore, they shuffle out of the hallway. 

Seulgi looks up from the extra potatoes she’s chopping. “What took you so long?” 

“Seungwan unnie had stomach problems!” Sooyoung blurts out. “It was real bad!” 

“WHAT!” Seungwan shrieks.

“How are you feeling?” 

“Better.” Seungwan grumbles and Yerim cackles beside her. “Anyway, is the food ready?” 

“In a bit. Can you guys set the table?” 

How can Yerim not hope when they’re like this? When it’s like they’ve gone back to their old Sunday dinners. Their dorm is bigger, the table is bigger, but they still have an extra set of utensils and their dorm is suddenly so much brighter and louder with Joohyun laughing at them and with them so unabashedly. 

How can Yerim not hope when Seulgi hasn’t smiled that big or that real in ages? 

How can Yerim not hope when Joohyun wipes the sides of Seulgi’s mouth and playfully scolds her when she talks with her mouth full? 

How can Yerim not hope when everything feels so familiar, so comfortable except now they’re just older? After dinner, they all watch a movie together, the two start on opposite ends of the couch, with Yerim’s head on Joohyun’s lap. Next thing Yerim knows, Seulgi stands to get more snacks and on her way back, manages to squeeze herself on Joohyun’s other side, allowing the older woman to lean against her. How can Yerim not hope when it’s as if there are two magnets literally pulling them together?

How can Yerim not hope when it’s obvious everyone - including Seulgi and Joohyun - are hoping too? 

* * *

Nothing really fazes Jung Jinsol. It comes with the industry. Sure, she still gets starstruck, but it’s easy to tuck away and treat them like anyone else. She cannot say the same, however, for Choi Yerim. The excitable girl usually needs at least a day’s notice so she can rein in her expressions and not scare off whichever famous person they’re working with for the day. 

The two are on the way back to the office from a trip to the nearby convenience store, arming themselves for a long night as they work on Red Velvet’s Behind the Scenes video. 

“I’m just saying, I don’t know how Chaewon managed to burn soup, it’s soup.” 

“Kitchens are her weakness, I guess.” Jinsol shrugs, “But you’ve got to admit, her convenience store recipe is really good.”

They shuffle into the elevator, Yerim still wondering about the burnt nuggets Chaewon made the other day and the door of the elevator is about to close when they hear a, “Hold it, please!” A woman enters, a black cap on her head and a face mask, carrying a tray of coffee and a paper bag of what looks like pastries.  “Thanks! Oh, hey, Jinsol!” 

Jinsol blinks, then recognizes the voice behind the facemask and of course, the signature eye smile. “Hi, Seulgi unnie!” 

“Late night for you guys too?” 

“Yeah, but hopefully not too late. We just have a lot on our plate this week. Are you here to check on the progress?” 

“Ah not really, mostly just dropping by.” Seulgi winks and as soon as the elevator door opens, she makes a beeline for their boss’s office. 

“Was that-” Yerim asks. 

“Red Velvet’s Kang Seulgi? Yes.” 

“And she’s-” 

“Going to Irene unnie’s office? Yes.” 

Yerim’s resulting squeal is so loud Jinsol is surprised when their glass door is still standing. 

“What the hell was that, Yerim.” fellow editor, Ha Sooyoung says as she joins them in the office lobby. “My ears are still ringing.” 

“We ran into Seulgi unnie in the elevator.”

“Oh. Makes sense.” 

“HOW ARE YOU TWO SO CALM? SHE WENT TO- ARE THEY- WHAT’S HAPPENING- IRENE UNNIE-” 

“Oh right! Irene unnie called for us to join them in Room B for a bit.” Sooyoung says, leading the way. 

As they enter the room, the bosses are huddled in front of the massive monitor with, while Jungeun gives them a nervous wave from the side. “Let us know what you think.”

“Oh wow, I didn’t even realize we were doing that.” Seulgi says, as a clip plays of Joy pulling her to her side, and the two begin dancing behind Wendy as she belts out during one of their songs, Yeri suddenly walks into frame, her face in shock as she realizes she’s ruining the shot, but begins to make funny faces anyway. “It’s cute.” 

Another clip starts and it’s all of them sprawled around the dressing room, all at their own corners. Then, Yeri begins to play a popular trot song from her phone, and even if they’re all lying down, Wendy even has her eyes closed, they all sing along. It’s not the best singing they’ve done, but it’s funny, and they’re having so much fun that they end up laughing so hard that Seulgi starts crying.

Everyone in the room laughs and Jinsol pretends not to notice how Irene looks at the screen with so much fondness in her eyes. Jinsol has worked in BP Studios long enough to know that Irene has always been strict, always expecting everyone to give their best no matter what, but she has always cared for them, the strictness coming from a place of concern and desire for them to reach their full potential. So Jinsol  _ knows _ she has a soft spot. The look of fondness in Irene’s eyes is nothing new, it’s how she looks at them during brainstorming sessions and they’ve gone past the part of being productive and their brains are all mush, making jokes that normally wouldn’t be that funny. It’s how she looks at them after a client compliments the team, with pride in her eyes despite all the hardships. So, the look itself is familiar, but the way Irene’s eyes shift from the screen, to the idol standing beside her, her eyes suddenly glossy,  _ that _ is new. (But for some reason, seeing it only makes Jinsol smile.)

“I love all of it.” Seulgi claps and Irene turns to Jungeun, a proud smile on her face, “Great job, Jungeun. You as well, Jinsol. You both really captured such honest, raw and funny moments.” Jinsol bows her head in thanks and she tries not to laugh at how Jungeun looks like she’s about to faint from the praise. 

“Anyway, I didn’t want to get in the way. I know you still have a lot to do. Thanks for showing me though!” Seulgi flashes another smile as she addresses everyone in the room. “I’ll be going now, manager unnie is still waiting for me in the car.”

“I’ll walk you out.” Irene says and suddenly the room is quiet as they notice Seulgi’s hand landing on the lower part of their boss’s back, leading her out the door.

No one says anything until Jennie reaches forward to grab a cookie. “So, what do you think? Doesn’t she look so much happier?”

“Yeah, she does.” Rosé nods in agreement. 

“I wonder if Seulgi used my tips…” Lisa mutters to no one in particular. “Cause I don’t think I put cookies on the list.”

Yerim raises her hand slowly, “Uh, unnie, I don’t mean to pry but are they… you know…” 

“They’re just friends, right babe?” Jisoo says, leaning on her wife’s shoulder. 

Jennie snorts. “Friends my ass.” 

“The children!” 

“Unnie, we’re all adults here.” Sooyoung says but Jennie raises an eyebrow and Sooyoung shrinks away. 

“But to answer your question, sadly, no, they’re not dating.” 

Jinsol can’t help it when she says out loud, “Well, not yet.” 

And her bosses beam at her. “Correct, Jinsol. Not. Yet.” 

* * *

Park Sooyoung has to admit that despite acting in two romance dramas, she doesn’t really know a whole lot about love. She doesn’t really have the experience after all (though hopefully now that she has Rosé’s number it’ll all change) and honestly, everything she knows about love is mainly from watching Seulgi and Joohyun. 

But now, they were in a weird place and Sooyoung couldn’t really understand what was happening. 

Ever since they reunited, everything had happened so quickly. They were able to have dinner and watch a movie with Joohyun once, but after that, the majority of the time was spent in rehearsals and photoshoots, and preparing for the international leg of their tour. She knew they were talking more often, given how often Seulgi was on her phone, but whenever they asked, Seulgi was clear that they weren’t dating. 

“What happened anyway?” Sooyoung asks once more, putting her phone down to look at her leader. Usually, Seungwan is her plane buddy, because the last time she sat beside Yerim they had played so many pranks on their unnies and laughed so loud that even their manager had to step in to prevent them from being kicked out of business class. But now, maybe it’s the curiosity that was bugging her, but she had requested to be beside Seulgi. 

“Uh… Well, we’re not exactly together, we’re not dating. But we’re trying.” 

“Do you not love each other anymore?” Sooyoung wants to cringe, she sounds like a child asking why her parents are divorcing. But in her mind, isn’t that the most important part? That if you love each other, then you should be together. 

Seulgi sighs, realizing there’s no escape from the conversation anyway. Seulgi has always been like that. Always protecting their feelings, sparing them from the truth so they won’t have to worry about her or about Joohyun. 

“That’s the thing. When you all went to bed after dinner, we talked. And the truth is, we still have love each other. There was no doubt about it. But all the reasons why we broke up are still valid. I didn’t have time for her then, she didn’t want to hold me back. And how can I say those things have changed when we’ll be gone for almost three months for the tour?”

“So what? You’re gonna let each other go, just like that?” 

“We’re trying to work it out. It’s hard because we don’t want to lose each other so we’re still holding each other at a distance. There are things she hasn’t told me yet, I’m sure. But, it’s hard to hold back too, especially when I’m around her.” Seulgi pauses for a while, “Joohyunnie doesn’t say it, but I know she doesn’t want to lose you guys too if ever this doesn’t work again and it blows up in our faces.” 

Sooyoung nods, _ why was love so complicated? _

They don’t talk much after that, and Sooyoung doesn’t bring it up again. But Sooyoung remains observant.

And Seulgi is right, they are trying. That much is obvious. 

Sooyoung vaguely remembers how long ago, the first time around, Seulgi’s phone would ring, but their leader would be fast asleep, too dead to the world and too tired to answer it. Now, Seulgi is still tired, but she always manages to answer, and the two talk for at least five minutes before Joohyun starts forcing Seulgi (and her current hotel roommate Sooyoung) to go to bed. Sooyoung also watches with amusement as they arrive in their dressing room for their Tokyo show, and there are flowers for each of them, except Seulgi’s includes a note and the older girl has to stop herself from crying as she reads it. 

_ They’re so in love. Why isn’t it enough?  _

They’re all huddled together in Seungwan and Yerim’s room, just finished with an impromptu IG live, the time difference in the US throwing their body clocks off, when Seungwan suddenly asks, “Okay, Ms. I-need-a-game-plan, what’s your  _ actual  _ game plan?” 

“Uh… win her back?” 

“That’s not a game plan. That’s not even close to a plan.”

“I didn’t think that far ahead! I just wanted to talk to her again and I am. We’re taking it slow so do I  _ really  _ need a plan?” 

Seungwan starts pinching the bridge of her nose and Sooyoung starts snickering, already expecting her to scold Seulgi. “Of course, you need a plan! You can’t just jump into this relationship like you did before! You gotta make it work! Kang Seulgi, not everyone gets a second chance at the love of their life! You have to make the most out of it. You have to show that the four years apart made you better for each other!” 

“Yeah! All those phone calls and flowers are cute and all but you need to address the problem, Seulgi unnie!” Yerim chimes in. 

Sooyoung grabs the pencil and paper from the hotel’s side table and together, they list down why it didn’t work and what they can do to fix it. There are some tears here and there, mostly Seulgi sharing things she never has, sometimes from the others, empathizing with Seulgi’s situation, and when they finish, the sun is already beginning to rise on the horizon. 

It’s a beautiful metaphor, Sooyoung thinks, that maybe it’s a sign that this really is a fresh start for the two unnies she holds dear to her heart. 

“Okay, so let’s summarize, shall we?” Seungwan says, somehow still full of energy while Yerim is already asleep, drooling into the pillow. Sooyoung is tired as well, and she’s so lucky they have a free day today, so she manages to force herself to stay awake a little bit longer. 

“First step. Keep doing what you’re doing now. Flowers, calls, all that. It’s fine. Keep communicating, being there for each other. That worked the last time. Second step. Communicate, but give her space. This is all so sudden, being in each other’s orbits again. So don’t cling on to her, and don’t let her cling on to you too. We want you both to be together because you want to, not because it’s familiar. Third step. When we get back to Seoul, talk to Joohyun unnie again. Be open and honest, but in new ways.” 

Sooyoung adds, “Joohyun unnie always felt like she was holding you back so there might be some insecurity there, trying to figure out where she belongs in your life. When she was with you, she hated her job, she barely had time for her family because of said job, and the only thing that really made her happy was you. But, she always felt like she was on the sides. You were her number one priority, but she was never really yours fully. Then when you broke up, unnie found herself and built BP, if you get back together, you have to make sure that she can’t lose herself again if she’s with you.” 

“I’d like to do one last thing.” Seulgi says, “But, I need your approval.” 

“Of course, Seul. What is it?” 

“I always said that I gave her all of me. But that isn’t true. We were in constant hiding. Sneaking in and out of dorms, late night dates when practically the whole of Seoul is asleep, or trips to her office when no one else but Jennie was around. All the hiding… it made me miss so much of her life.”

Sooyoung nods her head in agreement. “Oh, oh, that’s true! When Joohyun unnie was having a hard time and you couldn’t be there for her or sneak out, that made you feel the most guilty. Or when you missed out on important stuff like her birthday because of our schedule.” 

“Yeah… and I realized how hiding affected our relationship too. Holding her hand in public became more and more scarce as it went on, we couldn’t go to Han River like we used to do, like we  _ loved _ to do. I couldn’t take her to all my favorite places nor could she take me to hers. I was hiding her, but I was also hiding a part of myself too.“

“So, are you gonna do what I think you’re gonna do?” Seungwan asks.

“Only if it’s okay with all of you.” Seulgi takes a deep breath, “I’ve always wanted to show her off to the world. To say her name on stage. But we were so young then, we couldn’t do so many things. We had to fit the mold we were given. I love her so much, guys. But if I do this, I’m not the only one that’s going to be affected.” 

“As your bandmate, I say talk to manager unnie. Do it right. Be smart about it. But as your best friend, I say, FINALLY!!!” Seungwan squeals, pulling Seulgi into a hug. 

“As your bandmate, I say, why are you so worried? You’re the only one I know in the history of idols who got mostly positive reactions from your dating scandal with Sunmi unnie, and when people found out it wasn’t true, people were actually devastated!” Then Sooyoung joins the hug (they’ve been doing a lot of group hugs lately she realizes), “As your favorite dongsaeng, I also say, FINALLY!! YES, DO IT, GO!”

“We still need to ask Yerim.” Seulgi says, trying to breathe as the two hug her, and tilting her head towards their sleeping maknae. 

“Oh please, you’re practically her second parents. If she could, she’d be the one to announce it herself.”

“No matter what, we’ve got your back, Seulgi unnie.”

* * *

If someone told Vivi that she would one day be helping well-loved idol, Kang Seulgi, sneak into their office before it opened, she would have laughed in your face and sent you to seek some help. But now that it’s actually happening, Vivi needs to convince  _ herself _ that she’s not actually going crazy. 

“Sorry, Jinsol and Jungeun have another shoot today, so they sent me.” Vivi says as she shakes hands with the idol. 

“No worries, it’s nice to officially meet you, Vivi.” Seulgi says and honestly, the stories don’t give justice to how nice she actually is. “So what time does Joohyun - I mean, Irene - get to work?” 

“She’s usually the first one in, so maybe in around an hour?” 

“Okay, great. I owe you so much, so just let me know how I can make it up to you okay? Do you want front row tickets to the next concert? A signed album? A picture?” 

Vivi’s heard the rumors, of course she has, their office is incredibly small and they’re actually a very tight knit group. She was there too, after the concert, when the Red Velvet members all swarmed around her favorite tiny boss and during the celebration dinner when Seulgi whisked Irene away, the two in their little own world. Choi Yerim also excitedly told her about when Seulgi visited the office, and how Jungeun almost died being praised by both the idol and their boss. 

She’s also seen how different Irene has been. Different, in a good way. She smiles more, for one, and two, she’s less hard on herself. She’s seen the woman come in at eight in the morning, and stay well past midnight, even after sending everyone home. She’s seen Irene not emerge from her office for an entire day, trying to find where they went wrong if they don’t win a client. It’s not healthy, the other bosses would scold, but Irene would never listen. But now, Irene takes more breaks, spends more time with them not just mentoring, but for fun. She hasn’t heard their boss laugh that much in the almost two years she’s been at the company, and Vivi is sure she knows who’s responsible for it. 

“Just take care of Irene unnie.” Vivi finally manages to reply. “Please, Seulgi-ssi.” 

Seulgi nods, “Of course I will. So, no picture then?” 

“That and some concert tickets?” 

“You got it.” 

Eventually, Yeojin comes into the office, also at the request of Jinsol and Jungeun, and together with the idol, they work together to set-up breakfast for two in Irene’s office. It’s extremely cheesy in Vivi’s opinion, but it’s cute and Seulgi looks so pleased with herself when she’s done that it really can’t be that bad. 

By the time Irene arrives, they’re already at their own desks but they can still hear their boss shout, “SEULGI! You’re back already?!” and the loud laughter of the singer as she most probably hugs Irene to death. 

“They’re cute.” Yeojin comments, already mindlessly scrolling through her email. “I never thought Irene unnie would be dating Kang Seulgi of all people.” 

“I honestly never even imagined Irene unnie dating at all.” 

“Well, idol or not, Kang Seulgi has the entire BP to answer to if she breaks her heart.” Yeojin says, fake cracking her knuckles. (Vivi thinks that Yeojin will never be intimidating enough but the thought is sweet.)

They hear Irene’s signature laugh, the one they’re still getting used to hearing so often and Vivi smiles, “I don’t think we’ll have a problem about that.”

* * *

One of the things Son Seungwan loves about Seulgi and Joohyun’s relationship, it’s how they always push each other to become better. When the first started out, Seungwan saw how Joohyun instilled confidence in Seulgi. She saw how Joohyun helped her see that she was worthy to become a leader, and how she deserved her spot in Red Velvet. She saw how Seulgi was inspired to be the best version of herself. On Joohyun’s end, Seungwan saw how Seulgi kept pushing her to persevere. To stay a little longer, to work a little harder because Seulgi was sure that Joohyun will one day reach her dreams much like she has. 

When they broke up, Seulgi was still a great singer, a great dancer, a great performer, a great leader. And Seungwan honestly didn’t think there was a difference. But now that they’re in each other’s lives again, Seulgi is somehow even better. It’s not a noticeable difference, though, not for everyone. Seulgi is still the ace the public adores. But now, Seulgi is glowing, and everyone close to them can tell, she’s inspired and motivated to take things into her own hands. 

“Manager unnie laughed at me.”

“What?! Why?! Is she homophobic cause I swear at this rate she’s dealing with four angry lesbians. Five if you count Joohyun cause you can be damn sure I’m gonna tell her.” Sooyoung is ready to pounce and Yerim already has a murderous look in her eye as she holds her chopsticks.

“No, no, it’s not that. She said she’s not dumb and that she knows.” Seulgi pouts, “Apparently, she’s always known.” 

“Even before?” 

“Yup. Even then. She was waiting for me to bring it up, actually. She said she had a feeling it would happen especially after you guys asked her to send Joohyun those tickets.” 

“It makes sense though. Wasn’t she the one that drove you to BP Studios for those cookies? And she also booked the flight so you’d get home ahead of us to surprise unnie,” Seungwan points out.

“Is she mad?” 

Seugli shakes her head, “Surprisingly, no. I expected her to convince me not to do it, to say there are ways to hide it, but she’s on board with it. She’s proud that I already have an idea of what to do, and contingency plans and PR ideas. I really want to get this right. She says I just need to talk to Joohyun about it and she’ll handle the rest.” 

“Maybe managers do deserve rights.” Yerim hums.

Another thing Seungwan loves about those two is how they are each other’s biggest fans, loudest supporters and fiercest protectors. Even when it comes to the really mundane (and sometimes dumb and overdramatic) stuff. 

Yerim and Seungwan are standing by the kitchen, watching the events in their living room unfold. The first time Joohyun visits, Sooyoung sent Haetnim to her parents, not wanting to overwhelm Joohyun’s first time back to them. But now that the older woman wants to come over more often, well, as Sooyoung puts it, Haetnim was technically in the dorm first. So, no, Haetnim will not be adjusting. 

It’s been their seventh attempt already, and just like all the other times, Seulgi sits on the couch, rubbing Joohyun’s shoulders as the director kneels on the floor, directly across Sooyoung and the small white dog on her lap. 

“Just let her sniff you first.” Sooyoung says and Joohyun incredibly slowly, with her hand shaking like crazy, reaches towards Haetnim. 

Haetnim tilts her head in confusion, sniffs a bit and licks Joohyun’s hand, causing Joohyun to yelp and the dog to bark back in shock. 

“Okay, that was a good first try. Don’t be too fidgety, okay? It’ll make Haetnim nervous too. You got this!” Seulgi says, rubbing Joohyun’s shoulders again. 

Joohyun approaches one more time, and Haetnim does the same thing, sniffs, then licks her hand. “Okay, you can try to pet her now. She likes being scratched behind her ears.” 

Seungwan watches as Joohyun scratches the dog’s ears and how Haetnim leans into the older girl’s touch. 

“Unnie, she likes you!” Sooyoung squeals, obviously proud of her baby girl. “I’m going to let her go now, okay?” 

“Don’t worry, I’m right here.” Seulgi says and Joohyun nods in confirmation. “Okay, I’m ready.” 

Joohyun goes back to her position of kneeling across from them, and when Sooyoung places the dog on the floor, Haetnim looks up at her owner for a second then runs at Joohyun. But apparently, Joohyun isn’t ready for it. 

The older girl screams, and hops up on Seulgi’s lap, making sure her feet aren’t touching the ground. But Haetnim starts barking, playfully nipping at Seulgi’s legs. 

“She’s just playing, Joohyunnie!” Sooyoung says. “She thinks you’re friends!”

“Don’t worry, Soo, I got this.” Seulgi continues to laugh as Joohyun has effectively buried her head in the crook of Seulgi’s neck, her legs across Seulgi’s lap in an effort to get away from the maltese. Their leader then gestures for Sooyoung to give her the dog. Once Haetnim is comfortably in one arm, she nudges Joohyun, “Let’s try again.”

Joohyun slowly untangles herself from Seulgi, and Seulgi is so calm and reassuring that Joohyun allows the small dog to be placed on her lap. 

Haetnim relaxes, leans into Joohyun’s touch once more and playfully licks her pants. “She’s kinda cute,” Joohyun says, lifting the dog into her arms. 

“You’re both kinda cute.” Seulgi comments and Seungwan laughs out loud at how both Yerim and Sooyoung look like they’re about to throw up at how greasy Seulgi is. 

“I take it back, maybe I don’t want them back together.” Yerim groans as Joohyun’s blush grows more and more evident even from their place in the kitchen. 

And lastly, Seungwan loves how they can just be honest with each other. Because how much more honest can you be, when you break up not because you’re tired of the person or fallen out of love, but because you love them so much, you know you’re not what’s best for them at the moment? It’s the rare display of honesty throughout their entire relationship that Seungwan firmly believes they have a chance. 

Seungwan doesn’t mean to eavesdrop, but she just wanted a glass of water and she honestly thought Joohyun went home hours ago. She considers crawling to the kitchen, but she has some dignity and quickly decides against it. She’s about to say hi when she hears Joohyun speak.

“I’m scared, Seulgi.” 

“Joohyun, I love you. You know that right? I would never do something that would put you in harm’s way. I would never endanger BP. I know how hard you worked for it. But, if you’re not ready, then we don’t have to do it. I’m just letting you know that I’m ready and I want to do it.” 

“Why do you want to do it now?” 

“Honestly? Because I can. Years ago, I was a rookie, too scared to fuck things up. Too focused on my image, or what they wanted me to do. Back then, all I knew was that I was a kid with a dream to become a singer, and that I loved you. Now, I’m much more than just a singer, much more than just Seulgi from Red Velvet, but still very much in love with you. I’m doing it now because I’m ready, because I’ve always wanted the world to know you, and how much you’ve impacted my life. I’m doing it now because I’m tired of all the excuses I’ve ever made to you.”

“Seulgi…” 

From her spot, Seungwan can see Joohyun lean into Seulgi’s arms and despite the topic, she looks so comfortable that it has Seungwan smiling from ear to ear.

“I said I can wait. And I will. But I just want you to know what’s on the table.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to. I do. I really do. I-” Joohyun takes a deep breath and Seungwan has to strain her ears to hear what’s being said next. “You have less to lose. You have your members and manager on your side already. I have BP. I could lose all my clients. I can’t do that to the girls.”

Seulgi kisses the top of Joohyun’s head in reassurance. “Well, lucky for you, I used every part of my brain and figured that out too.” 

* * *

Mrs. Choi glances at her watch, only 15 minutes left until it’s time to close the stall. She looks at her customers, almost finished with their meals, and wonders if it’s alright if she starts cleaning up. In the end, she decides against it, knowing how much of a difference 15 minutes can make. 

She watches as people pass, it’s been a long day, the rain on and off throughout the afternoon and into the night and cold nights usually mean customers looking for warm tteokbokki so she doesn’t really mind. She smiles to herself, she remembers the first time she met one of her favorite customers, practically shivering from the rain as she ate. That customer hated the rain, but somehow always forgot her umbrella. She was from Daegu too, and could appreciate great tteokbokki, for which Mrs. Choi was grateful. It also let her speak freely in her dialect, something she couldn’t do often as some customers had difficulty understanding her. 

“Mrs. Choi! How are you!” 

As if the universe was listening, they finally decided to send in her favorite customer. 

“Joohyun-ah!” Mrs. Choi greets, her arms open as she waits for a hug. It’s been a while, Mrs. Choi realizes, not just since she last saw Joohyun, but since she’s seen Joohyun smile this big, despite the late night. Mrs. Choi knew what Joohyun did, so it explained the long working hours but still! She had always told her get some rest, and she always said she did, but Mrs. Choi is sure it’s still not enough. “What brings you here tonight? Out of work early?” 

“I just missed you.” Joohyun grins, “But also, someone wanted to see you.” 

Mrs. Choi furrows her brows, “Who?” 

“Hi, Mrs. Choi!” another girl pops out from the side, slinging an arm around Joohyun’s shoulders while giving the stall owner a huge wave. 

Mrs. Choi rubs her eyes in disbelief. It’s been what, 4 or 5 years? She looks around, makes sure no one is looking at them and gestures the girl forward. Then, she reaches up with both hands to pinch her cheeks. “Seulgi, is that really you?! It’s been so long! I see your face everywhere, ah, you’ve grown up so prettily!” 

Seulgi laughs, doesn’t even try to escape from the older woman’s hold. “It’s me, it’s me!” 

“What are you both doing here? Are you out on a date tonight?” Mrs. Choi was never really sure if the two were dating, but they looked so happy whenever they were together and when Mrs. Choi started seeing Seulgi on TV and hearing her on the radio, she noticed that Joohyun was a little more quiet and reserved than usual. But now, well, now explains the huge blush on both their cheeks. “Ah, you two are so cute together!” 

“Thanks, Mrs. Choi.” Seulgi winks, then playfully nudges Joohyun in the process. “See, I told you!”

“I know you just stopped to say hi but I still need to give my favorite customer and favorite singer their usual.” Mrs. Choi says, packing the rest of the tteokbokki into a container. 

Seulgi takes out her wallet and Mrs. Choi puts out a hand to stop her. “No, this one’s on me.” 

“But Mrs. Choi, it’s too much!” Joohyun protests. 

Mrs. Choi shakes her head in response. “It’s okay. Just promise to visit me more often, okay?” 

“We promise.” 

“And take care of each other, okay? Promise?”

The young couple beams up at Mrs. Choi, “We promise.” 

* * *

“Uh, boss, are you okay?” 

Haseul waves her hand in front of her boss’s face. 

No response. 

“Uh, Irene unnie?” Hyunjin tries, snapping her fingers. 

“Oh- what- sorry, girls.” Irene says, her phone clutched close to her chest. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I just had a lot on my mind. Anyway, is everything ready?”

Hyunjin gives her a thumbs up, “Yup, we’re just waiting for you.” 

They follow their boss into the cafe, where cameras and lights have been set-up for Yeri’s new show, Yeri’s Room. After their tour, the group decided to focus on solo work, giving more time in between their next comeback. For Yeri, it meant a talk show. Which, luckily, was awarded to BP Studios for production. 

Haseul goes through the script in her hand, and takes note of all the materials they’ll need for different segments. “You’ve got this, Irene unnie!” she whispers, as Yeri finishes her spiel and introduces her guest. 

Irene mouths her thanks and takes a seat beside Yeri and the crowd, (well, the production staff completely filled with Irene’s employees) goes wild. 

“Wow, unnie! It seems like you have many fans.” Yeri smirks and Irene hides her smile with the back of her hand. “Everyone, this is Irene unnie! And yes, those claps were not forced. Everyone here is a fan of unnie!” 

“Yah! Kim Yerim!” 

“Unnie and I have been friends for so long, ever since I was a trainee! Right, unnie?” Haseul signals Jiwoo to flash a sudden question and Yeri starts laughing before she even reads it out loud, “Your fans want to know how come you never trained to become an idol?” 

“Jiwoo-ah!” is Irene’s only response as she hides her face with her hands. 

The entire shoot goes smoothly. After Yeri introduces Irene, she introduces BP Studios and they talk about some work they’ve done and other idols that they’ve worked with. They answer a couple of personal questions and when it comes to the speed round, Heejin isn’t surprised when Irene answers it flawlessly. 

“So, unnie, what do you have in the photo box to share? You said you have three pictures right?” 

They flash the first picture on the screen. The production staff coos at how young Irene looks, peace signs all around in a selfie she took with the Red Velvet trainees in Han River. “I remember this! This was one of our first photos together!” 

“Before they debuted, they enjoyed going to the Han River, and sometimes I’d join them. We’d ride our bikes and race, and have a picnic on the grass.” 

“That’s so fun, we should do it again! Irene unnie and Seulgi unnie always won so after a while, I decided that I would be Irene unnie’s partner.” Yerim reveals before the next picture flashes and Yeri squeals in delight. It’s the photo from the dressing room hallway, Irene is barely visible, only the top of her head is seen as the Red Velvet members crowd around her in a hug. “It’s from our concert! Can I tell the story?” 

“Yah, aren’t I the guest?” Irene teases, but lets Yeri speak anyway. 

“I haven’t seen Irene unnie in a loooooong time, a couple of years I think, because we were all so busy. And then, she surprised us by coming to our concert! Wait, don’t zoom in, I think we’re all crying there!” Yeri panics, causing everyone around her to laugh. 

Before the last picture is flashed, Haseul can see her boss take a deep breath. Irene gives her a signal, and the last picture flashes on screen. A picture of Seulgi and tons of food around them.

“Ah, Seulgi unnie looks so pretty there! Why did you want to show us this picture, unnie?” 

“I met Seulgi first before I met the rest of Red Velvet, and we were always going to restaurants and eating together. Even now, we spend a lot of time just the two of us. So I am thankful to Seulgi for introducing me to great people.” 

“We’re thankful to Seulgi unnie for introducing us too.” Yerim says, a gentle smile on her face. Then the smile turns into a smirk as she fake-whispers to the camera, “Don’t tell the unnies but Irene unnie is my favorite.” 

After Yeri’s line, Haseul releases a breath she hasn’t realized she’s been holding. She knows how nervous Irene is, but everyone behind the camera is flashing encouraging smile, supporting her all the way. 

_ They shuffled into the conference room, surprised at the sudden meeting. At the front of the room stands Irene, looking more nervous than anyone has ever seen, and once everyone has settled down, she says, “I called you here today because I want to be honest with you, and I want your opinion. I hope you know how much I value all of you here.”  _

_ “Whatever it is, you can tell us, Hyunnie.” Jisoo says and everyone nods in agreement.  _

_ “I’m dating Kang Seulgi.”  _

_ There’s a beat of silence until Lisa starts clapping and Jennie shouts, “FUCKING FINALLY!”  _

_ All around her, Haseul’s teammates give their own opinion. _

_ “You owe me, 50,000 won, Hyejin!”  _

_ “Why did I even agree to this bet?”  _

_ “Huh? I already thought they were dating?”  _

_ “Seulgi unnie is really nice.” _

_ “They look really good together!” _

_ “Now, we just have to get Rose unnie and Joy unnie together!”  _

_ Once the initial shock wears out, Irene speaks again, “I’m telling you this because I have an option to hide it, or to come out. I want to know what you think.”  _

_ Silence falls around them again, and Jennie speaks up first, “What do you want to do?”  _

_ “I want to come out. I don’t want to hide. But if there’s any backlash… I don’t want it to fall on any of you.”  _

_ “Unnie? If I may?” Haseul raises her hand.  _

_ “Go ahead.” _

_ “I don’t know if I speak for all of us, but I support you. If we lose a couple of clients, are those people we want to work with anyway? We’ll just work extra hard to get new ones.”  _

_ Choi Yerim raises her hand next, “Seulgi unnie has been nothing but kind to all of us, and she even brings everyone coffee when she drops by!” _

_ “We’ll fight anyone who fights you!” Hyejoo shouts. _

_ “Okay, relax there, little wolf. No need for fighting just yet.” Lisa says.  _

_ “The kids are right,” Jisoo says, “We support you and if anything happens, we’ve got your back.” _

_ Jennie stands, and places an arm around Irene, who looks shocked at how smoothly everything is going. “So, we’re all in agreement then?”  _

_ “YES!!”  _

_ “Irene unnie,” Heejin raises her hand, “I have an idea.”  _

Heejin’s idea to slowly introduce Irene to the public was met with quick approval from both ends. It made sense, establish that they’ve known each other for a while, that they built BP Studios without the connections of Red Velvet and then drop the bomb.

“You did great, Joohyunnie!” Yeri says, squeezing Irene as soon as the cameras cut. 

Irene groans, “I hate being in front of the camera. Being behind it is so much more comfortable.”

“Well, I still think you could’ve been an idol in another life.” the two friends turn around to see Seulgi standing by the cameras, and Irene immediately rushes over to give Seulgi a hug. “You were a natural.” 

The next segment of Yeri’s Room includes Seulgi this time, under the guise of her just dropping by the shoot and Yeri asks her to stay, with the three of them playing different games. It’s going so well that the only problem Haseul can see is that how are they going to manage the editing when every moment is gold and with Irene most probably breathing down their backs, making sure she doesn’t look too ridiculous. 

But beyond that, Haseul hopes that the audience can see what she sees as they film. She hopes that when they see Irene and Seulgi together, playing off each other and teasing Yeri together, they’ll see how comfortable they are. She hopes they see the look on Irene’s face as Seulgi dances, the laughter that she can bring out of both Seulgi and Yeri, and the way Seulgi beams with pride every time Irene wins a game. 

Haseul hopes that everyone will be able to see that what they have is love. 

* * *

The thing about love, is that even if it’s real, even if it’s true, it doesn’t mean it’s easy. For Seulgi and Joohyun, falling in love was the easiest thing they’ve ever done. Because Seulgi has been in love with Joohyun ever since she saw her under the convenience store awning, looking like a lost little grumpy bunny and Joohyun swears Seulgi had her heart the moment she saw Seulgi’s bright smile against the dark and rainy Seoul night. 

The hardest thing they’ve had to do, without a doubt, is be apart for four long years. It was hard, but it was necessary. They grew as individuals, they figured out what they really wanted to do, and set out to do it. 

The second hardest thing to do, was coming back together. Not because they didn’t love each other anymore. But because, they didn’t want to make the same mistakes again and end up with the same results. 

_ It’s not about want. It’s about work.  _

Because, their friends were right. A chance like this, doesn’t happen very often.

When they finally go public, it’s a little over a month since their joint episode in Yeri’s Room. Honestly, it just slips out. Seulgi had a more concrete and professional plan with her manager but they were in the middle of an Instagram Live in their dorm, not really doing anything but having fun. Seungwan and Sooyoung were singing while Yerim was eating some ramyun. The doorbell rings and Seulgi accidentally slips out, “Oh, my girlfriend is finally here!” 

No one even notices the slip-up until Yerim reads the comments that are filled with variations of: “SEULGI???” “SEULGI COME BACK SAY IT AGAIN” “DID SEULGI JUST SAY GIRLFRIEND?” “GIRLFRIEND?!!” “WHO IS IT?!” 

By the time Seulgi returns with Joohyun, the maknaes are giddy, reading all the comments out loud.

Seungwan then turns to Seulgi, who remains off-camera, “Seul! Someone is asking, did you mean girlfriend or girl space friend?” 

The two pause for a second in shock, but Joohyun recovers quickly, telling Seulgi it’s okay. The other members are practically vibrating with excitement when they see Joohyun’s small nod and Sooyoung says, “Luvies want to know, unnie! Luvies are you ready?!” 

Off-camera, Seulgi can be heard saying, “Do you want to say hi?” The camera shuffles around a bit and Seulgi is back, the members moving further behind her. 

“Wow, there’s suddenly so many people watching.” Seulgi chuckles before taking a deep breath and a wide smile is plastered onto her face. “Hello again, everyone, I want to introduce you to someone. But I think you know her already.” 

“Hello!” Joohyun says with a small wave, leaning close to the camera. Seulgi pulls Joohyun into a hug and the trio squeals behind them. 

As Seungwan had told them countless times, there was nothing to worry about. And she was right. The comments were full of support, of course there were some nasty comments, but Yerim blocked them quickly. Seulgi’s manager had texted and complained she hadn’t followed the plan, but was proud nonetheless. 

Of course, coming out doesn’t solve everything. They still have late nights, they still can’t see each other every day, they still have lives and very busy jobs. But, they work on it together. 

They make compromises. 

“It’s not that I’m not grateful for all the effort, Seul. But I don’t need grand gestures. I just need you.” Joohyun says after Seulgi surprises her in the office once more after a week of not seeing each other.

“But-” 

“You don’t have to make up for anything. I was lonely before when you weren’t there for me, and now, I’m not.” 

“I still don’t like not being there when you have a bad day.” Seulgi pouts, and Joohyun pulls her girlfriend into her arms. 

“You’re there for me more than you know. You have to stop beating yourself over that, okay? I was too dependent on you before, relying on you to always turn my day around and that was my fault too. I am grateful that you tell me when you’re busy, and that you call me as soon as you can to check up on me. Please, don’t be guilty for living your life.” 

“But, don’t hide it from me when you’re having a bad day, okay? I’ll do my best to not get guilty when I’m not there, but don’t hide it from me either. I like knowing how you’re doing and even if it’s Jennie being dumb that makes you feel better, I’d like to know that too.” 

They make the most out of being able to go out in public and make the most out of every moment spent together.

“I want to buy this for my apartment.” Joohyun says, pointing to some art materials. “They’re cute!”

“No! You’re going to keep it in your room and forget and then months later, I’m gonna find it still in its packaging!” 

“Fine,” Joohyun grumbles, “What about this? A ramen coaster!” 

“It’s just gonna get stained.” 

Joohyun clicks her tongue, “My girlfriend is so strict.” 

Then, Joohyun stumbles upon a set of two-tone clay plates, with matching utensils. “What about these?” 

“What for? Your utensils are still okay.” 

“Not for  _ my _ apartment. For ours.” Joohyun says and the look of pure surprise on Seulgi’s face is so adorable, she can’t help but lean in to quickly kiss her girlfriend.

“Our? Oh- th-then in that case, I think it’s good! It’s perfect!” 

Joohyun rolls her eyes, “You’re such a dork.” 

And when Seulgi returns a moment later, with tulips in her hands, it’s Joohyun’s turn to go bright red, hiding her face behind the flowers. 

“Who’s the dork now, hmm?” Seulgi asks and Joohyun playfully punches her stomach before pulling her girlfriend in for another kiss. 

“Still you.” 

They support each other and make time for themselves and their friends. 

“How are you doing?”

“I’m good, I think it’s really coming together.” Seulgi replies. “How is everyone, tell them I say hi, okay?” 

“They’re the same, Jennie’s annoying. Lisa is teasing her and Jisoo. Rose is texting Sooyoung non-stop, but trying to be subtle about it. And they say hi back. Anyway, I won’t keep you, just wanted to check up on you. Good luck with your new song, I’m sure it’ll be great. Love you!” 

“You’ll be the first one to hear it. Have fun, love you!” 

Joohyun puts down the phone to see her friends smirking at her. 

“I’m going to ignore that you said I’m annoying because I’m really really happy for you.” Jennie pulls her best friend into a hug. “It took so long but I’m so glad it happened the way it did.” 

When Joohyun lets out a strangled cry for help, it’s Jisoo that gently pries her wife off the director. “But really, Hyun, you’re always taking care of us, and I’m glad Seulgi can take care of you too.” 

“You  _ are _ happy right?” Rose asks, slowly putting her phone away. 

Joohyun nods, hiding her smile behind her wine glass. 

“Great! And now that you’ve successfully set up my ex with a friend of yours, can you somehow manage to find me a date too? Cause sooner or later I’m going to end up as a seventh wheel and that’s not gonna be fun at all.” Lisa says and Joohyun laughs at how quickly the rest of her friends perk up, already armed with possible candidates. 

And, as soon as they can, they look for ways to be together more often, more permanently. 

“I can’t believe you’re only moving out now.” Seulgi says as she puts the last of Joohyun’s boxes into her car. “Miss hot-shot-director.” 

“I had to save up money! Putting up a company isn’t easy, you know.” Joohyun says, “Besides, if I did, then we wouldn’t be able to do this.”

Seulgi reaches for Joohyun’s hand and places a kiss on her knuckles. “That’s true.” 

“You sure they don’t mind?” 

“We all have our own properties now anyway, and the apartment is literally two buildings away from the dorm. Besides, Sooyoung is already claiming my room as Haetnim’s.”

“And you’re okay with that?” 

Seulgi nods, “I am, Yerim on the other hand is fighting her for it. She still wants to put her private studio in the dorm, that way, she never has to leave and can work in her pajamas.”

“Are you okay with leaving Seungwan with them?” 

“Well, let’s just say, I hope there’s a god that takes pity on Seungwan.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“Am I sure about moving in with the love of my life and waking up to her face every single day? Of course I’m sure.” Seulgi says, and as soon as the stoplight turns red, Joohyun takes her chance and kisses Seulgi senseless. 

It gets easier, in a way, they adjust to all the changes that life throws their way. Joohyun gets used to being referred to as Seulgi’s girlfriend and Seulgi always enjoys it when Chungha and other female idols who’ve worked with BP playfully refer to her as, “Irene unnie’s girlfriend”. Just like before, they make time for Red Velvet, having movie nights and dinners in their dorm and sometimes even taking their monthly trips to actual restaurants. With Rose and Joy now casually dating, the so-called children of BP Studios get used to having all of Red Velvet around so often that they’ve moved on to their next plan of getting Wendy to actually ask Eunji out on a date (with maximum participation from Red Velvet’s own Kim Yerim). 

They’re content, finally allowing their worlds to fully collide. Fulling allowing themselves to be together. 

Seulgi can finally be herself, can finally be honest as to who inspires her, who the person is behind the lyrics. She can show the world who she is, and she can share every part of herself fully with the woman she loves the most. 

Joohyun can finally breathe easy, knowing that she is no longer holding Seulgi back. She is no longer holding herself back. Joohyun can breathe easy because she knows that after all that hard work, years of making herself better, of finding herself, and months of working it out, she can finally be with the woman she wants and loves. 

Finally, after everything, all their dreams have come true.

_ One day,  _

_ the next day,  _

_ and the next day that continues after that  _

_ I still can’t believe that in my every moment _

_ I can be with you _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you go, we've reached the end! I hope you enjoyed this fic as much as I've enjoyed writing it! :) I also hope you like the different POVs for this bonus chapter. Do let me know what you think in the comments or on twt @iccampfire. I'll see you all in my next fics and the ongoing 'even the shadows' 
> 
> Take care everyone and stay safe!
> 
> PS. Am I the only one excited for NCT2020???


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